Do You Expect God to Do What You Pray?

Let me get real down and dirty here.

I dont know what to pray.

In August my Father in Law died suddenly of a heart condition.  Six months later my husband was diagnosed with the same condition.  So I prayed, “Dear Lord, we trust you with Chad.  Whatever Your will, may it be done.”

I re-evaluated our lives and tried to pinpoint sin.  I had conversations with God about acceptance and faith.  I told God, ” I believe that You will only bring us through trials to draw us closer to You and further Your kingdom.  Its all about Your glorification.”

That is what I am supposed to say right?  That is what I am supposed to believe?  I mean, I do.  God loves me and wants the best for me.  His greatest desire is to fully know me and be in a relationship with me.  He would put any trial in our paths that would ultimately lead to a greater trust and faith in Him.

I never so much as let myself entertain the words, “Just heal him Lord.  Just make my husband well.  I know you can do anything God, please just heal him.”

I don’t dare.

My faith is strong!  My faith is steady!  I know God can heal, I just don’t want to test Him.

The truth is, I desperately just want to beg Him to make Chad whole.  When I sat in the room and watched them shock Chad’s heart, there was peace.  Seeing his heart go from a normal sinus rhythm right back into AFib… its like I could feel God there.  The pain and grief of knowing that this treatment didn’t work…it wasn’t overwhelming.  There was a calmness.  Like I knew it was God’s will.  (Even just saying that feels awkward, please don’t think I am minimizing the situation in any way.)

I am afraid.  Terrified.

Afraid to ask for His healing.  Afraid that for some sovereign reason we wont get it.  Afraid of feeling rejection.  Afraid of losing my husband and not being able to praise God like Job so graciously did.

Job 1:21

And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

And most of all, I am afraid of losing my relationship with God.

Maybe healing Chad is not in His plan.  He knows the big picture right?  Who am I to walk in and say, ‘Nope.  Not this trial God.  We love and trust You just fine thank you very much.  Lets just get some healing now OK?”

God intercedes for us... Romans 8:26

Romans 8:26-27

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

God even goes so far as to guide me when He knows I am lost praying.  He searches my heart!  But are the desires of my heart all that matter?  Or do I need to say the words… and believe He will provide?

What if my prayers are wrong… and not answered like I want them to be.

Just feeling confused and a little broken.

And my question is, Do you expect God to answer your prayers?  What do you do when He doesn’t?

 

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A Prayer Request and a Praise!

UPDATE:  Chad’s cardioversion was not successful.  His heart went back into AFib within a minute of being converted.  We are looking into what our options are at this point.  Most likely they will recommend more (increased dose) drugs and another cardioversion.  After that they look at ablations.  We are trusting in God that He has us exactly where we are supposed to be right now.  Thank you so much for your prayers and support!

 

Tomorrow my husband is going in for a cardioversion.

The last seven months have been a roller coaster of emotion for this family, from dealing with Chad’s fathers death, to finding out we are pregnant, to his grandmother’s passing, then my great-grandmothers passing, then finding out that Chad suffers from a similar heart condition that his father suffered from.

Chad has been on medication for the last month that affects his energy, his blood density, and his heart rate.  His diet has been restricted and he has had to limit many things that he was used too, including limiting sodium, leafy greens, and  his beloved coffee and soda.  (A good thing I know, but a big change none the less.)

Its been hard to see a man who was so full of life to suddenly be tired all the time.  The uncertainty of his future complied with the devastation of his past has been challenging to say the least.

Tomorrow they will be shocking his heart to see if it will return to “normal” rhythm.

If you would be willing to pray, we would be so thankful!

Prayer Changes Things!

Our specific prayer request are:

  • That this cardioversion will work. That Chad can discontinue the drug regiment he is on.  That his heart will return to “normal” rhythm and stay that way.
  • That even though his father, mother, and brother have all dealt with similar heart complications, that this seemingly hereditary condition will end with Chad.  We are so hopeful that none of our five children will have these heart issues.
  • (selfishly) That I will not be exposed to any illness that would harm me or the baby during our time at the hospital tomorrow.

 

And on a much happier note… I read this on facebook today and was choked up.  We serve such an awesome God!  I attend the same church as both Andrea and the amazing lady she is talking about… so to see this miracle and know these folks is even more awesome!

Best Facebook Post Ever

We are so thankful and grateful for any prayers you would be able to offer, and if there is any way I can be in prayer for you please do let me know.  God Bless!

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Rejection and Forgiveness

I came across this quote recently and couldn’t help but take notice.

Inspirational Quote

 

“When you forgive, you heal your own anger and hurt and are able to let love lead again.  Its like spring cleaning for your heart.”

-Marco Schimoff

I sorta dismissed it because I generally disagree with the concept of “healing thyself”.  But dismissing it right away wasnt right.  Because dont we need to let God in so He can do the work He needs to?  Dont we need to make the choice to forgive before forgiveness can begin its healing properties?

Recently the value of this quote shed some light.

I have been struggling with rejection.  Worldly rejection.  Familial rejection.  Just… rejection.  And I just happen to be that person that lets things fester.

The other day I woke up and it was wonderful.  I worked out, had great devotional time, started the kids homeschooling… everything was going well.

Quite by accident, I found out that some friends had decided to exclude me from a new project.

Now, I have no idea why they made this choice.  It could have been because they had too many people with the same name as me.  Or because it was Wednesday.  Or because they needed a change.  Or because they truly didnt think about me and knowingly reject me.

But in my mind, it was completely intentional rejection.  How could they do this and not include me?  It had to be intentional.  They made a conscious choice to exclude me.

I was devastated and it proceeded to ruin my entire day.  I just couldnt let it go.

In bed that night, the situation kept running through my head.  Since there was no logical way to reason out the situation, I decided that my only option was to reject them back.  Without them knowing why, I was no longer going to support them and their choices.  If they didnt want me as a part of their project, then that choice was going to ultimately remove me from their lives.

I could almost feel the bitterness growing.  My choice to react and reject based on a situation that I had no clear facts on had planted a seed of resentment in my heart.  It grew when I fed it.  It grew when I didnt.  It was quickly growing beyond my control.

The only remedy to this kind of bitterness is forgiveness.  The absolutely only way that I would be able to get my heart back would be to forgive them.

To forgive them.  To make the choice to let go of any hurt I had perceived they caused me.

I had to pray, “Lord, you know my heartache in this.  But I trust you.  I know that sometimes you put people in my life to teach me just like you remove them to teach me.  Lord, help me to truly forgive these precious ladies and to simply love them.  Remove my judgement.  Remove my bitterness.  No matter what they may say or do, help me to love them as You love them.”

Prayer

In all honestly, prayers such as that are not life long in their healing.  Since I still do not know the reasoning behind my friends actions, I still have occasional doubt and insecurity when I interact with them.  But now, instead of feeding into bitterness, I know where to direct those un-godly feelings.  And remember to look to Him for my value.  To trust Him that when I am in His will, He has me exactly where I need to be.

Funny things is that they will never know the heart struggle that their actions inspired.

But I am thankful for their actions non the less, because through them, I am learning to lean more on God.

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I Could Use a Prayer

I hate to do this… but I am desperate.

I recently told you about this tooth thing… turns out it was so bad that my dentist felt we should remove it.  I was fully on board with that and this past Monday they did.

Last night I was in extreme pain again.

When a tooth is removed, a blood clot naturally forms in the wound.  If that blood clots falls out, it is called dry socket.  I looked at the wound and sure enough, there is no blood clot there.

I have been researching it this morning and people seem to equate the pain of dry socket as worse then the actual tooth ache.

I cant even tell anymore.  I just know that my whole side of my face hurts… my ear hurts, my head hurts, and my mouth hurts.

I am just so mentally defeated by this consistent pain… I could really, really use a prayer.

Please pray for quick healing and pain relief.  I honestly feel terrible even asking for prayers because there are so many other more important things we could all be praying for… but I just dont know what to do anymore.

Thank you so much for considering it!

UPDATED:

I have been using clove oil and acetaminophen (once this morning) and doing a regular rinse of salt water. It has helped.  But mostly… I have FELT the prayer!  THANK YOU so much for taking a moment of your life (because I know you are busy!!) to offer up a prayer.  I cannot tell you what it has meant to me today!!  Thank you SO much… please, please let me know when I can return the favor!

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The Best Laid Plans

(This story is long.. I am writing it down maybe more for me then anything… it has played through my head a million times since it happened, and I am just blown away by how powerfully it has impacted us… so thank you for indulging me!)   Last Thursday was [...] Read more »

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I stopped by Carma's blog today cause she makes me laugh and 'I do so love to laugh' (name that movie) and read about this girl who does not age.  Brooke Greenberg is technically 16, but has remained a toddler. So my heart just goes out to this family.  Their beautiful little girl has [...] Read more »

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Gaven Baldry

Chad has known Brett for about 10 years now.  He met him through work and they have been friends ever since…. enjoying quality time hunting, fishing, and shooting the breeze. Brett and his wife Stacey were delighted when they found out they were pregnant about 10 months ago.  It was a [...] Read more »

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