I have to say… mine has been off.
I have been feeling sorry for myself.
I have been unfocused.
I have been disengaged.
When I posted on my blog about the news the doctor gave me, I was in such a sad place. Feeling alone and hopeless and just beaten up.
But something changed in me.
I felt defeated because I lost sight of the big picture.
One specific Bible verse has played over and over in my head:
Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
God has allowed this trial in my life because there is much work that needs to be done in me. I am fairly certain that I need to regain my eternal perspective… that God is in control. That I CAN trust in Him, and that I can sing his praises even when it seems that life is hard and dark and lonely.
I heard the song "All My Praise" by Selah and one line really struck me.
"Even in the shadow of death I will praise you…"
Before I had sung that and liked it, but it never resonated in me.
With this latest pregnancy scare and the uncertainty of my baby's future… I can truly say that I felt like I was in the shadow of death.
I felt like I had no control over my families future. I felt like I had done something wrong.
I was right.
I dont have control of the future, and by not living fully in my faith, I had done something wrong. I did not place my trust in God.
Thank goodness for this renewed sense of faith and desire to obey… and for the constant prayer and support. So many wonderful people have offered Scripture and verses that were meaningful to them. It now holds a special meaning for me as well.
No matter the outcome of this season in our lives, I am trusting God. I am hopeful again for the future, and I am grateful for support and prayers.
I decided to embrace every single day of this pregnancy… to appreciate every single moment I have been given, and to pour out my love on this child and my family.
One thing that (prior to the cervical news) I was embarrassed about was how much I am showing already. I am no skinny minny by any means, but I was busting out of my regular jeans by 10 weeks.
Its just not normal!
So I had planned on not showing any pictures until it was more socially acceptable to look like I was six months pregnant.
Like, maybe when I was six month pregnant.
But enough of that!
This precious little life that has captivated our whole family is going to be celebrated in any way I can!
Isnt is crazy? I have never shown like this with any of my other kids. I guess this sweet baby is just making his own path right from the get go!
In other awesome news…
Chad is home now… we are spending the day laughing and playing and cooking with the kids and its been wonderful!
Life is good.
No matter what, this life is good.
You made me cry! Hello there, baby! It’s your blog debut!!! Nice to meet you!
PS…so glad Chad is home!
If it is not normal to show that early, then I am not normal either! I was busting out of my regular jeans by 7-8 weeks, forget 10!
So glad that your Chad is home and your growing family is complete once again. You look wonderful, even with a camera stuck in front of your face LOL. Shortened cervix and all, Baby Rettke looks like it is doing just fine. God takes care of angels and babies
Yay! I’m so glad you found a new perspective! It’s true, no matter what, God will take care of you.
Have you heard the song “No matter what” by Kerri Roberts? Another song you want to have on your playlist!
I am glad you found a new perspective. I hope everything turns out okay.
I’m so pleased to read your post today and hear your positivity. I was thinking about you this morning and thinking that nothing about motherhood is certain. No-one knows how their pregnancy, birth, baby, toddler, teenager is going to turn out. I think we have to be present in whatever is happening now, to cherish life and learn whatever the universe is offering us. You show your bump with pride – and enjoy the weekend with Chad and all your babies.
I’m so pleased to read your post today and hear your positivity. I was thinking about you this morning and thinking that nothing about motherhood is certain. No-one knows how their pregnancy, birth, baby, toddler, teenager is going to turn out. I think we have to be present in whatever is happening now, to cherish life and learn whatever the universe is offering us. You show your bump with pride – and enjoy the weekend with Chad and all your babies.
Ahhh … I love a picture of a baby!
I read once that when you see a pregnant woman you are in the beautiful presence of two beating hearts in one. And well, I think that is just awesome. Thanks for sharing. Continued prayers coming your way.
SO happy your husband is home, and that you are feeling better about everything! I think you look great – every pregnancy is different, and showing early means you’ll have more time to enjoy people treating you especially nice while you are pregnant!! Have a wonderful weekend! Life IS good
aimee @ justkiddingaroundatlanta
YOu look good! Every day is a blessing. Can’t wait to see progression shots
Glad to hear your hubby got home to help you out. Big hugs! Now I need to get back to helping Kels get ready for homecoming! The hair isn’t going well…pray for me lol
Love your baby bump and your new outlook! Still praying for you!
You look great. I am pregnant with my third and I found that I had to wear my pregnancy clothing very early with this one. Try and get some rest now that your husband is home.
Love this. God is so good and faithful. No matter what he loves you and he loves your baby. I am so happy for you!
I showed early too! I guess it’s a baby #4 thing?? Anywho, You are just too cute! Flaunt that baby bump!
I”m so glad you got some perspective back. I was really concerned for you and I was really hoping to help you out, but I’m so so soooooo glad that Chad is back.
Oh, and I have been praying for you. like I said I would!
Thank you for this post. I am so glad you’ve started to see life through His eyes again!
You are in my prayers Amanda!
Your baby bump is adorable. I was told when I had my 4th that your uterus has a memory and you tend to show earlier with each baby.
So glad your hubby is home and you are embracing your MOMents.
Take care and God bless,
Angie
love that you are sharing and enjoying every single minute with this wee babes.
have i said congratulations yet?
b/c i kind of forgot i have a google reader in the hubbub of life … and i missed this awesome news for way too many days.
and i’ve been thinking about you and this little life …
but haven’t touched the keyboard to write and say congratulations.
so … congratulations.
you look beautiful.
You are lookin’ cute!
I’m so thankful for the fresh perspective God gives us when we commit our trials to Him and put our trust fully in Him! Praying for this little one!
you look so adorable!
Yay! I am glad your hubby is home, I am glad you are feeling a little better and I am glad that your Spirit is at peace.
Enjoy your Sunday with your familY!
Amen! I am so happy for you that Chad is now home, and for your new perspective! God will give you the strength to get through this…you look so cute in that picture!
I find christian radio so comforting in dark times. Two songs that really resonate with me during difficult times are: Praise You In This Storm and What Faith Can Do.
Many blessings and prayers to my sister in Christ!
I started showing much much sooner with my second. he was all out front straight away. I am praying for you and your family. God is in control and he knows whar he is doing even though sometimes we might lose sight of that. hang in there.
What a beautiful post, Amanda! I had many times of doubt when we were expecting our fourth baby,and our oldest son was just over 2 1/2. It was a turning point in my life when I, too, realized God had me wrapped in His arms and I was not to fear. It forever changed me, and my faith was stronger from that point on. After 3 sons we had a beautiful baby girl that December and all was well. I stopped measuring my tummy when it hit 48″ ( I’m only 5′ 2″!) and she was nearly 10#, so I know what it feels like to think you look like an elephant when you are actually just a beautiful ‘gift bag’ containing a wonderful blessing from God.
Our family grew to 6 children in the next 3 years by the way!
I will continue to pray for you and your family.
You look beautiful! And what a great perspective…enjoy every moment and trust God with all the “details”. I am praying for you!!
Kristin
Amazing love! It blows my mind what the Father will do for us. Thanks for sharing your encouragement. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
You look gorgeous! It’s your fourth baby. I was way big at 10 weeks. When we finally told Doug’s grandparents, Grandma looked at my belly and said “Why yes you are pregnant!” I just had to laugh. Hope you are feeling better soon.
I’ve heard that with each pregnancy you get bigger faster cuz’ your body has already been there and done that so it just goes into baby mode.
Glad you are feeling better, or rather that God smacked on the hand (or head, or rump, wherever He smacked you) and got your attention again! I love when He does that. But I would have been panicked too!
AMEN Mandy!! that verse just spoke to me PRAISE Jesus for that. I’ve been feeling sick and haven’t done my devotionals in a few days…it’s always great how God gives me a push and ALWAYS shows me a sign so that I get back on track!! P.S. I LOVE YOUR BLOG
AMEN Mandy!! that verse just spoke to me PRAISE Jesus for that. I’ve been feeling sick and haven’t done my devotionals in a few days…it’s always great how God gives me a push and ALWAYS shows me a sign so that I get back on track!! P.S. I LOVE YOUR BLOG
Im so happy Chad is home now. I know what a difference it makes to have your husband home. And Im also glad your perspective has been set right. God bless you all.
cute bump!
What a cute little bump!!
Still praying and thank you for this encouraging post.
I mentioned before I had a similar scare. It was the hardest week of my life and I learned to trust in God like never before. I am so glad your husband is home and I will continue to pray for you.
Love the bump pic
Hang in there and hope the baby keeps hanging in there too!
Hugs and prayers,
Jx
I was the same way with my 3rd.. it was awesome! I have just caught up on your posts and want you to know that you are in my prayers as well. One lesson I have to re-learn an awful lot lately is to “Be Still”. I need to be still, stop trying to do so much of what I think needs to be done, and let Him do what He needs to do in my life. It always works out so much better than my plan anyway.. He really does know what is going on.
A change in perspective can make all the difference in the world!
Praying for you!
Congrats Amanda!
Hi! I just found your blog and enjoy reading your entries. Keep up the good work!
Congratulations on your pregnancy and God bless.
Oh Amanda…I’m sorry I didn’t know. But Chad is home, you now have a handle on this, a caring OB and faith.
We’re all here for you!
What a wonderful post and it is so good to hear you are doing better! And so glad your hubby is home — that makes life so much better
Hello. Stumbled upon your blog as I was googling for “Moist Chocolake Cake” recipes! Congratulations on your 3rd pregnancy. I’m a mother of 3 boys (ages 4, 2 & 1) so I must say, welcome to the threesomes club! Lots of work but double the amount of fun. I pray that you will have an uneventful pregnancy and you’ll carry your baby to term. *HUGS* All the way from Malaysia!
Just came across your blog and really love your writing. Congrats on the new blessing, I will say a prayer for your pregnancy and know it is all in his hands. God bless!
P.S. I am 10 weeks with #2 right now and feel the same way, about 5 or 6 months!!
Your post touched me, reminded me, and gave me hope.
I bless you and your family and pray that you never lose faith.
You touch others thru Him.