Last Saturday was a bittersweet day.
My sweet baby Olivia turned one.
I sat in the chair and watched her play with a wonderful contraption that grandma had bought her, full of bells and whistles and shiny moving parts that can keep a little one entertained for hours.
She moved the pieces with her fingers then would stop to watch her fingers, all at once discovering her ability to maneuver the toys parts and her ability to make her hands do what her brain told them to do. Â I could almost hear her thoughts as she went back and forth between wonder and excitement and the simple music of the pieces clinking together.
She noticed me watching her and dropped her toy to the side. Â She quickly crawled over to my feet and reached out, grabbing my legs to assist her as she pulled herself up. Â Standing before me and doing her little toddler dance of bending her knees and rocking back and forth, I knew she wanted on mommy’s lap. Â I happily obliged and immediately asked for a kiss.
She nodded her head back and forth ‘no’ as is her habit whenever mommy asks for a smooch. Â Then she leaned in to give me one anyway, which erupted into a frenzy of kisses all over her pudgy cheeks and forehead.
She giggled and fell into my arms, both of us sighing and smiling.
My sweet baby, no longer a baby, but now a curious and eager toddler, ready to explore the world on a new level, is ready to leave the onesies and bottles behind.
But I am not.
My husband and I decided that we were done having children. Â And honestly, five is enough. Â It’s more than most. Â It’s our perfectly complete family and honestly it’s five more blessings more than I ever deserved.
But saying goodbye to being pregnant and bringing life into the world and nursing and rocking a baby to sleep in the wee hours of the morning… that is not something I am ready for.
Thankfully, there isn’t much time to sit around and mourn the loss of  a role that I was blessed with many times over.
Thankfully, my husband and children remind me often that life changes, people grow, and it’s best to adapt with a smile rather than fight it kicking and screaming.
Thankfully there are many more stages and wonderful life experiences in store.
And thankfully, we get to celebrate them with cake.
The above cake is a “first birthday” surprise-inside cake that I made for Olivia. Â To make your very own “number 1” surprise-inside cake you can follow the directions HERE. Â (The link leads to my Countdown Cake with written directions as well as a video tutorial.)
It is a vanilla cake covered in the best basic buttercream and topped with mini rainbow coated chocolate chips.  The pink #1 is also vanilla cake (tinted pink with Ateco food coloring) and McCormick Strawberry Extract added.
In my new book Surprise-Inside Cakes I share many more cakes and techniques as well as snippets and humorous stories about life as a mom and wife. Â It’s a great gift for a new mom, for any mom, or for anyone who likes cake!
Aww, I can only imagine how sad/happy you were to celebrate Olivia!! This cake is certainly one to remember though – so pretty!
Thank you so much Katrina!
This brought a tear to my eye…my baby is 18 months now… not such a baby anymore. However, everyday, as she discovers more of the world, I discover my love grows more than I ever thought possible. Love your blog!
Thank you Catherine!
Waaa!! I am seriously wondering if we are at the same point of being done at two babies. Phin is turning 1 in less than 2 weeks and I feel it slipping away so fast. My girlfriend just had a baby this last week and holding him made me realize how much mine isn’t a baby anymore. Sniff. I’ll come cry and eat cake with ya!
ha ha… yes, lets eat cake!
Amanda, I remembering feeling the same way. The. EXACT. SAME. WAY. I sobbed for months when Omri was done nursing. MONTHS! Not every day. Well, okay, at first it WAS everyday, but then it would come unexpectedly and I would be in tears. Now three years later (after his first birthday), I can honestly say, I love love love babies and I will hold them and love them and be comfortable with them and support new moms and help new moms, but I am glad we are on to this new stage. I think it helps that Omri was a monkey boy. He is a peanut and still likes to be cuddled and hugged and loved. You will adjust (even with tears) and you will be glad, but it doesn’t have to be today.
Love you!
Thanks for that Gianna… I am glad to know that me feelings are similar to yours and that you made it through!! Be blessed!!
This is joyous and heart wrenching moment at the very same time. You do, however, get that awesome opportunity of entering into the next phase and looking forward to exciting prospects too! This cake looks DELICIOUS and what a perfect way to celebrate Olivia’s first birthday! <3 :*
Thank you Samina!
True.. while eager for my baby to learn and explore new things, I do feel sad for the 1st year to have passed by so quickly. He turned 1 in April.. I am however happily not done having babies. 🙂 Happy Birthday Olivia. 🙂
Ha ha… you stinker! 😉
Such a fun & pretty cake. Happy birthday to Olivia!
Amanda…let me cheer you up…A LOT! There will be more 1st Birthdays when the Grandkids arrive! And guess who will be their caker? YOU! I get to make all of my grandkids cakes! It’s AWESOME! Actually, this year it’s FROZEN cupcakes for the granddaughter but hey, cake is cake! So take heart that after the milestone 5th, 10th, 16th and 18th birthdays that there will come another 1st Birthday!
Cat
Oh yes… that is so true!!!
Awwww. It’s been three years since I last celebrated a 1st birthday. While It makes me a little teary to hear you speak of the baby years like that (and I definitely feel my ovaries anytime I am anywhere near a brand new baby!) there are so many joys in life with having the children a little bit older. Your life can change so much in a few short years! Much love to your family and happiest first birthday wishes to Olivia!
So true… thank you for that perspective! Blessings sweety!
That is so sweet. I can’t believe how fast that year went. If Matt and I are ever blessed with a child (which I know we will be in His time) you can feel free to adopt them so you can have the baby experience again 😉
I know you will be too. You and Matt were born to be a mom and dad!! Will be praying with you through this. 🙂