When I got pregnant this time around, I had to find a new doctor.  Not by choice.  Buts its a long story so I’ll move on.

I found one very close to me and one I liked.  I have seen her 3 times since I found out I was pregnant.  And in those 3 visits, I have gotten an ultrasound each time.  Once to determine the pregnancy itself, and twice because we were unable to locate heartbeat.

I had a routine appointment set up today, and this morning I called the clinic and asked if they would be willing to do an ultrasound to determine sex.  The nurse who answered said no way.  They were way to busy.  Then my doctors’ nurse called and said that we would have to play it by ear, but the chances were slim. 

These folks almost balked at me for asking.  Like I had asked for a major inconvenience.  Like I had asked them to slip in a triple bypass in my regular 20 min. appointment and not charge me or something.

I was calm.  I was kind. And believe me, my kindness was very intentional. 

Hubby and kids and I get to appointment today and my doctor very quickly lets me know that she would like me to have the ultrasound in 3 weeks, when I will be a little over 22 weeks pregnant.

I was very upset.  Not only would we NOT find out today.  She wanted me to wait 3 more weeks.

I kinda begged for a sooner appointment and she held firm that 22 weeks was her preference for doing the ultrasound.

I am so disappointed I just want to bawl.

But I am also mad.  Was she just trying to ‘get’ me for daring to ask them to do the ultrasound today?  Why 22 weeks?  Has anyone ever heard of this?  It has always been 20 weeks for me and for my friends.  And based on our ‘history’ together, I am not sure why this ultrasound is such a big deal?

I need your help and your perspective and your advice and your biblical influence.

Am I being crazy?  Would I be wrong to ask for my ultrasound at 20 weeks?  And if she says no, would it be wrong to ask her to give me a referral to another doctor who would be willing?


God bless-


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Meet Amanda Rettke

Amanda Rettke is the creator of I Am Baker, and the bestselling author of Surprise Inside Cakes: Amazing Cakes for Every Occasion – With a Little Something Extra Inside.Over the course of her 15+ year blogging adventure, she has been featured in and collaborated with the Food Network, New York Times, LA Times, Country Living Magazine, People Magazine, Epicurious, Brides, Romantic Homes, life:beautiful, Publishers Weekly, The Daily Mail, Star Tribune, The Globe and Mail, DailyCandy, YumSugar, The Knot, The Kitchn, and Parade, to name a few.

Reader Comments

  1. Myh sister was right around 22 weeks when she had an ultrasound to see the sex of the baby. And like you, she had to come back 2 weeks after her regular appt. Might just be a coincidence, though, as I am not sure how it is done anymore.

  2. How frustrating! To already have had three? I am surprised they didn’t already tell you. With Rebekah we found out at like 13 weeks (although she was very cooperative!) lol
    As far as the 20 week ultrasound goes I don’t know why the doctor would want you to wait unless it is because you have already had some. I was able to talk mine into week 19 cause I had not had one since 6 weeks plus I had the garage sale (as a woman she understood) but it took some smooth talking and since it was an L2 ultrasound perhaps she was more willing since it is higher quality. I do know that ultrasounds between week 20 (which I ended up being anyway) and 24 are the best for determining due dates and any issues that might be there.
    I can understand them wanting you to wait a bit to maybe give it more time. I know it is frustrating and I would be pulling my hair out if I had had to wait but it will come. 🙂 If you like the dr. and clinic for all other reasons I would stick it out.
    Have a good day!

  3. With Julia, the policy at North Clinic where I got care was to wait until at least 24(!) weeks for an ultrasound! We were surprised on the gender with both of the kids, but I was anxious to see that all of the baby parts were present!
    My Mid-wife with Ian ordered an ultrasound at 19 weeks, I think she just gave me the order and told me to schedule it before my next appt in 4 weeks. Of course I got it that week!

  4. Hi Amanda,
    It sounds like those pregnancy hormones have kind of run amuck. I can feel for you, that your expectations were not met. That is always discouraging.
    Could this be the Lord’s lesson on patience and grace? Patience, because He does have your best interests in mind, and He has perfect timing. Grace, for the doctor’s office…They are busy and not ‘out to get you’! It is hard to say this, but there were probably other people facing more challenging reasons for getting an ultrasound yesterday. Think of them and pray for them; confess your own impatience to the Lord; ask for new eyes to see as He sees.
    Have patience, my friend, you will find out just what sex the baby is, when the time is right. The Lord is knitting that baby together in your womb, according to his perfect blueprint.

  5. Oh Amanda how anxious we can be when we have all those pregnancy hormones running through you. I do remember those days though. Things dont go according to plan and its upsetting and dissapointing all at once. I understand. I would feel the same. I have to believe that the doctor has your best interests in mind. And just think in a few weeks the ultrasound will be so much clearer. I will continue to pray for you. I have a strong sense that you already feel better. I know its easier for me to say but you’ve waited this long whats a couple more weeks. Take care and God Bless.

  6. My midwife always does an u/s between 18-22 weeks so I guess that is within the range of normal. Aside from the disappointment (which I know is real and not to be taken lightly), I’m sure your u/s will be just as wonderful when you get it as you were hoping it to be today.
    That being said, if you are unhappy with your doctor, it is in your best interest to find someone you do like. I mean, everyone gets a little miffed with their doctor from time to time, but if it is a real issue, you are better off with someone you like and trust. 🙂

  7. I am laughing here… want to laugh with me? lol I didn’t know what all 3 of my kids were because they did not have ulrasound back then. Maybe insurance will only pay for so many. Didn’t they do extra because of not being able to hear the heart beat? Will keep you in my prayers. Love, Janie

  8. My heart goes out to you on this, but my viewpoint is so different. This may sound harsh, but emotional satisfaction isn’t a good reason to insist on a test on your sweet one. These days, I think we too readily accept medical procedures. Just because they’ve become common, does it mean they’re good for the baby? Trust the Lord on this one, my friend. Father does know best.

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