An Apology

filed under: I Am Servant on March 27, 2013

I have been getting caught up in the world lately.

When someone I thought was a friend lied publically about me, I obsessed about it for weeks.  I lost sleep.  Spent precious time methodically defending myself.  Lost time with my family because I just had to prove their lies wrong.

Who was the loser?  Me.  I failed to recognize that Jesus is in control of my reputation.

When I witnessed a great injustice that affected many of my blogging friends, I jumped in and did everything I could to correct that injustice.  Time was spent writing and researching and planning the best ways to Make TRUTH Known!

Hundreds of times since then my integrity has been questioned and I have been threatened with law suits and malicious threats meant to scare and deter.  Bitterness has crept in with every angry ignorant comment made about the issue.  Soon, seeing people as God’s children and loving them as He calls me too became a distant memory.  I couldn’t even see their perspective in it I was so wrapped up in fighting the fight.

God was an afterthought.

Then the world.  You know, because its my job to make the world a better place.  There is so much evil and lies in the world.  Seeing people whom I thought were Christians perpetuating and encouraging and falling for Satan’s lies has been a Great Discourager.  I am getting so caught up in what other people are thinking and saying and doing, and again, allowing the bitterness and the evil creep in and eat away at the Joy I know through Him.  That saying “carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders” seems to apply now more than ever.

Sad truth alert:

Focusing on the sins of others is a fantastic way to forget the sins in my own life.

Try to not judge...

image from

What I am coming to realize is that my faith has be fruitful.  Others need to SEE my actions and know whom I serve.

The reality is, my actions are not fruitful, they are self serving.

And I want to say I am sorry.

But dwelling in a pit of shame and bitterness is certainly not helping me nor anyone else.  So here is how I am choosing to handle this from now on out.

These trials should be turning me towards the Savior.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV)


Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2–4 (ESV)


 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35–39 (ESV)


We are meant to be more than conquerors!  God knows we will face trials and stumble and fall.  What is important is what you do after you fall.

Will I stay down?  Or will I look up?

Today, I choose to look up.  To stand up.  Even if I am standing alone! 🙂


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  • Kellianne says:

    Very brave and inspirational. I am also dealing with someone I thought was a friend taking all her unhappiness out on me. Thank you for reminding me that her lies should not affect me and Jesus will protect my reputation.

  • Karen @annumography says:

    Yes, yes, yes! A huge, heart-felt thank you for opening up your heart to publish this post!!!

  • Shelly says:

    Good Reminder !

  • Cris says:

    I went through a similar trial in my life, although on a much smaller scale. I was full of anguish, hurt feelings of betrayal and went on a crazy rampage to make things better. Then I received a daily prayer email that I subscribe to and I was reminded once again that the Lord will step in when you need him even when you forget about him. Days into my personal grief I got this so-well-timed email sent to me and the content in the post was what I needed to hear/read. It was this, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:44-45. Isn’t that AMAZING?! Just like that, I was handed a gift, a nudge if you will, that knocked me over and got me back to my senses. I was instantly healed the moment I read that email! Yes, I’ve been there too. We get a little off track…. we are only human, but God will get us back on track. We just have to keep our faith. I’m so happy you found yours again.

  • Dawn says:

    Thank you for this reminder. I too have had a tough few weeks and this outs in all in perspective, I am a child of God and, so too are those who offend – and have been offended.
    In Christ,

  • Kris says:

    You know how sometimes God answers a questions in the wierdest, and yet most personal, of ways? Well you are my answer. Your post, rather. I only know you as a font. A font which I love BTW. Tonight, I found your blog through a series of clicks trying to find an escape, a distraction to the Truth (capital T). I never would have made the last click if it weren’t for the font. 😉 I’m a caker. Looking for ideas. What I found was an answer to prayer. Thank you. And thank God. For using the almighty (lower case a) internet as a vessel of good. For a change. 😉
    Keep on the path. And thanks for keeping me on mine.
    You rock.

  • Christy G. says:

    Thanks for being so honest and vulnerable Amanda! It is so hard to put your identity in Christ. We so need him to change our hearts!

  • Beverly says:

    You are not alone in this struggle.

    As you can see from the comments above, many of us have had “friends” say things that are untrue, hurtful, simply mean about us or our loved ones.

    I hope this is a comfort to you, but I know the best comfort comes from Christ.

    He is the answer.

  • Paula @ All Things Moms says:

    Very well written! As a fellow blogger and also an Independent Consultant, I saw so many hurt from all sides of the whole ordeal. It was so easy to get caught up, defensive, frustrated and just overall in a bad place. None of those feelings were productive, none were helpful. I had to let them go, walk away from the drama and go spend some time with my Heavenly Father, so thankful He’s always there to catch us when we realize our super hero cape is just a trashbag, lol.

  • Becky Wolfinger says:

    We emailed back and forth with each other and I just want to say First of All I am very sorry for any offense that I might have caused, I never intended it to be felt that way and I think we were all trying to be protective of something that we love! Secondly, Thank you for opening your soul up and letting Jesus work his Grace over not only you, but through you.. he has now touched more! I hope you can accept my apology and that our communiteis can work together to touch more lives!

    Thank you to all the Bloggers in the community for the work that you undertake by creating new recipes for the world to enjoy. I truly hope that ALL people who look at your recipes share your work as it deserves to be shared!!

  • Bridgid says:

    I am sorry that you had such pain. I am happy that you found the answer. And I really love your blog. Isn’t it funny how what we need most is always there, waiting for us, and how sometimes it is so hard to see when it is right in front of our eyes? That’s one of the many beauties of God. He never leaves us.

  • Laura says:

    I totally understand and feel for you. I went through the same thing with my brother and his wife. They preach to others about being good Christian people while they do things away from the church that hurt others. I bent over backwards for them…twice in a HUGE way….helped them…with a home we were selling and in our business….I was there for them to my own hurt personally and financially. They hurt me by their actions and then told others that my husband and I screwed them over. He keeps his family away from us because he tells everyone we are bad people to keep what he did to us under wraps. No one except my children know the truth. Now these people who were our friends believe them. I gave it to God and I trust that He, in His time will hold them accountable in His way. Love and prayers to you.

  • Elizabeth S. (Russia) says:

    I’m excited to have found your blog! I was actually looking for cake recipes, but it’s cool to see that you are a Christian. 🙂

  • Kirsten/Comfortably Domestic says:

    Well said, Amanda. I had a similar softening of the heart after my/our friends were attacked. It’s so easy to get our hackles up and go out swinging at the injustices when we really should be praying about what our role (if any) may be to make this a positive experience. Instead of reacting, sometimes the best defense is to ask, “How are my actions spreading Grace?”

  • Chris Dickson says:

    It is so hard not to get caught up when you feel as thought the whole world is believing something about you that is untrue. It brings much joy to see that inspite of the pain and the frustration and the distraction you were able to turn to the only one whose opinion of us really matters – and especially that you are passionate enough about your faith to share with others. Our world seems to be slipping away from the path a little each day. Thanks for the shove back onto the path before others of us slip or trip over a loose pebble.

  • Milisa says:

    Hi there. I have been a long-time facebook follower of yours but never took the time to stop and read your blog. When I read your I am Servant page this afternoon, I have to tell you that I fell in love. You are incredible and I’m so proud of you, even though I don’t know you at all! I apologize if that seems totally weird to share but I can’t help but tell you. I put my heart and my faith on my sleeve, in my life and even in my work. I am and will always be a work-in-progress and setting myself up to try my best to see everyone on this earth as a person whom is loved by God just as much as I am has been a life-changer for me. Even those whom might let me down or make me suffer. If I can I look at them differently, with pure love, then it’s a win-win. God is holding my hand through it all. Take care. God bless. Happy Baking and creating to you! Milissa

    • Amanda says:

      I got them at TJMaxx. They were called “Boules de Sucre” (multicolored sugar balls) from Eric Bur.

  • Sarah G says:

    I just want to tell you that I am proud of you as a fellow sister in Christ.

    • Amanda says:

      Thank you. That really means a lot to me, especially today. 🙂

  • MotherSquid says:

    I went through this with my brother. He went so far as to threaten to kill me, in writing, 4 times. I chose not to press charges, tho I could have, but it’s been 5 years since we’ve spoken. Our only other sibling is dead, so it’s very sad. I sent a message that I forgave him, but he doesn’t ever give up a grudge, even according to his closest friends, who say they are sorry for what he’s put me through. It’s sad when things get to this point; no one wins. Thanks for sharing- love your site / work!

  • Susan Eibey says:

    Preach it girl! Love hearing a person get all fired up about Jesus and being totally real too.
    Also the fact that you shared this is wonderful. God used you to touch so many.

    What I’m going though today is making me stronger and preparing me for the journey that God has for me. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.

  • Lyndsay Renée says:

    I’ve been going through this for three years online, I have prayed the rumors would stop and I could maybe make friends again. I did the same, tried to protect me, one of Gods children amongst other children of god. It is so hard to believe how damaging rumors can be, they have left me with no self esteem and a lot of tears, thanks to this post sweet one I shall choose also to look up. Thanks for sharing

  • Jane says:

    God Bless You! We are all in this place together trying to make the best of it. Keep your chin up!!

  • Heather says:

    I have been seeing a reoccurring message this past week, of ‘being authentic’ – this post is just yet another example of the theme continuing to be seen. It is so truthful, and open & honest – and see by the comments how many people can relate to struggles and appreciate your honesty… sometimes ‘bad’ things happen for a reason, but you can see how sharing your struggle you have already helped so many people get through what they are going through.
    I am learning that in this day-in-age where everything is so fake and superficial it always is appreciated when you are authentic, open and honest.
    Thanks for sharing, this was a great post! : )

  • Zara Plakakis says:

    I just read your post…I say Amen! So awesome to know the Spirit at work in you, the power of His word in your heart and that you can share the struggle publicly to bring praise to Jesus. I’ll be following the blogs/recipes now 🙂

  • serenapotter says:

    I found this by accident, liking your baking site on facebook and then following, clicking, reading and scrolling. I too have recently had a very similar experience. I thank you for this. It is so difficult to put yourself out there as a creative soul, as a human being, and always be “on” for others…always allow what follows. It literally can hurt and eat at a heart….and yes rob so much time and legitimate joy from our lives. It feels crushing, but there is always a brighter day and above all a more positive focus. The trick is to keep going, and allow your work to speak for you….at least that is my opinion.

    • Amanda says:

      So insightful Serena. Thank you!

  • Kim - Today's Creative Life says:

    Always a great reminder Amanda and not always easy to admit.
    One thing I’ve noticed in the “blogging world” is I’m less and less concerned with what others are doing as I’ve aged. Being 54 has it’s perks after all! 🙂 Occasionally I feel the pull, but that’s usually when something isn’t settled with me. As people show me who they are (or who I think they’re being), and if it doesn’t align with what I believe is good character, I move on. As we all know…. we cannot control what others will do or say.
    Just keep on baking your beauties and keep your focus close.

    • Amanda says:

      You are EXACTLY right. I wish we could delve into this more over coffee! 🙂

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