I Doubt It
Or do I? That seems to be my struggle of late. I am sure it is the enemy’s latest attempt to separate me from God. What will remain to be seen is if I let him.
Lately I have been doubting everything; my faith, my marriage, my relationships.
I know everyone has doubts, but I feel these doubts are creeping into everything I do. I am constantly second guessing myself and my decisions and my emotions. I am continually having to edit unkind and uncompassionate thoughts…and then left to wonder why I even thought it in the first place?
Is my husband going to be home ontime?
Is that car going to stop at that red light?
Is my child going to listen to me?
Will my children have a relationship with Jesus?
Is my BFF going to want to listen if I call and talk about myself?
Does my family even like me?
Are my neighbors talking about me?
Do I look fat in absolutely everything I wear?
Does God really unconditionally love a dreadful and defiant sinner like me?
Does my church even want me as a member?
Does anyone care about what I do or what I say?
What I am coming to discover is that every time I add a doubt to my life, I remove a faith.
And every time I remove a faith, I am questioning the character, goodness, and faithfulness of God. (Wow!)
I am starting to see my doubts as out and out blasphemy of God’s Word! I never knew how powerful this emotion of doubt was in weakening my relationship with my Heavenly Father!
So I decided to get into the Word. That was the ONLY place that I seem to be allowing the Holy Spirit to speak to me, and the only place I seemed to accept it as truth.
The Bible speaks pretty candidly about doubt.
“Your life shall hang in doubt before you; you shall fear day and night, and have no assurance of life.”
Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
And in reading these words, it is as if Jesus is talking directly to me.
“Amanda, where is your faith? Your strong and sturdy and unwavering faith? Do you really doubt me?”
Just writing these words brings tears to me eyes.
Heavenly Father, forgive me. Forgive my lack of faith in you. So often Lord, I tell you that I am giving my circumstances over to you, then my actions tell a different story. Help me Lord. I ask that you help me to live the trust that my mouth proclaims. In Your Sons Name I pray-Amen.
“Doubt in Scripture can be seen to be characteristic of both believers and unbelievers. In believers it is usually a weakness of faith, a wavering in the face of God's promises. In the unbeliever doubt is virtually synonymous with unbelief. Scripture, as would be expected, does not look at doubt philosophically or epistemologically. Doubt is viewed practically and spiritually as it relates to our trust in the Lord. For this reason, doubt is not deemed as valuable or commendable.” Daniel L. Aiken
I loved this comment so much I just wanted to make sure you all got to read it too. Thanks E. for sharing your words of wisdom!!
Its a constant exercise in courage battling our own inner deamons. I'm proud of you for turning to His word to find strength and NOT letting satan win this battle. Knowing there is a battle and turning it over to God is awsome. He is our overcomer, and has already won the war for us. We just have to let Him do His work. I regularly battle the "give to God in prayer and take it back in action." I KNOW God can handle ALL of it, I just get impatient and want it done MY way and in MY time. Thankfully we seve a God that knows what is best for us even when we don't. I pray that you continue to allow God to grow you in His vineyard, that as He prunes you to feel his love and that you bear much good fruit! Love in Christ