More Then a Feeling

filed under: Miscellaneous on January 8, 2009

When I became a mother for the first time, one thing I knew that I wanted to try was nursing.  I had heard that it was the best thing for the child.  I wanted to give him that gift, so I tried for days to nurse and finally found success after about 5 days.

Something happened when I nursed him.  I was overwhelmed.  I was shattered and shocked.  I would hold him in my arms and be overcome with love.  It literally brought me to tears.  And I, in those precious moments, knew that there was nothing that you could ask of me that I would not do for my child.

This love, well, it was more then a feeling…there was an actual physical manifestation.  I never wanted to let my baby go.

I will never forget the day I finally decided to tell someone about this awesome sense of love I was experiencing.  I was having a conversation and trying to convey how powerful this love was and how it had changed my life forever. 

How I now knew that I was destined to be a mom, that this was my calling, and I was going to savor every precious moment of it and wanted to do nothing else with my life except be the mother to this amazing little being God had gifted me with.

And, bless their heart, the person I was pouring my heart out to proceeded to tell me, "Oh, thats just oxytocin.  Its a hormone released when nursing to help increase the maternal bond with your infant."

What?

Not only was this beautiful precious love not special and unique for just me and my baby, it was an actual chemical that could be defined scientifically and that every mother experienced?

Well. I got over the trauma of it.  Eventually. 

 However science wants to describe it, they can.  They can minimize it -or define it- all they want.

I still feel that love for my child, and I am not nursing him anymore, so I am thinking I am going to give the Good Lord a little credit instead of a hormone. 

I wanted to share this because as I nurse baby Audrey, and experience this unexplainable love for someone entirely new in my life, I am once again in awe of a greater power.  Of this precious present on loan from God.

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He knew what my calling was all along.

Have you ever felt that kind of love for someone?  Have you ever known that you were in deed a part of the big picture?  Have you ever felt that loved?

My prayer today is for you to know it, share it, and give thanks for it.

Many blessings.

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Comments

  • JanMary, N Ireland says:

    Oh so beautiful a post.
    Trust scientists to try to explain and define a feeling so amazing.
    After my first child, I wondered how my heart to love another child as much. But now I realise you don’t love the first less, your heart just expands.
    Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting 🙂

  • BP says:

    Thank you for blessing my day. It is such an amazing feeling to have that feeling your describing, to just know you have a purpose and to feel that love!
    Your pictures fit this post perfectly too!

  • Michelle M. says:

    That was beautiful! Thank you for sharing it.

  • Tracie says:

    My kids are 19 and 16…and I still feel that much love for them. So, the scientists might be partly right…but not completely. And I only breastfed one of my kids. To me, it was finally realizing what unconditional love meant. There is not one thing they could do or say that would change how much I love them. I would die for these two people that I have brought into this world.
    Beautiful entry…being with a new wee one is always so much fun!!

  • Tracie says:

    Had more to add…sorry…lol.
    When I was pregnant with Tyler I was convinced that there was no way I could love him as much as I loved Brianna. I was honestly scared I would not feel the same. How could I possibly love someone new as much as I loved the first one?? It makes me laugh now to think how little I knew about the power of a mother’s love.

  • Gardner Momma says:

    You describe it so much better than I could. I feel sorry for mothers who aren’t able to nurse their babies. And I truly don’t understand those who don’t WANT to nurse. I am so happy for you, you seem so thrilled with your new little angel. I am happily awaiting mine…. 5 more months to go. An eternity!!

  • Ashley Griffin says:

    oh amanda!!! she is sooo beautiful. it almost makes me want another one…ALMOST.. and i know just how you feel!
    ashley

  • Janis Soule says:

    Beautiful Entry…
    I know just what you mean. I am sure scientifically there is something to that – that GOD designed just for that purpose. I feel much more in love with Elizabeth then I did with Rebekah at this time who never nursed. I truly don’t know if nursing would have made a difference or if my head would have still had troubles with it at the beginning – if that makes sense.
    All I know now is that I am completely in love with both my girls and am still amazed that God chose me to be these amazing girls’ mommy!
    God Bless
    Janis

  • Liz says:

    Isn’t the love our kids raise in us amazing…. indescribable.
    I did not have a good experience breastfeeding, and won’t be doing it again, but I still had that moment of utter happiness and love….still do…and hopefully always will. Great post!

  • Katie R. says:

    Beautiful, Amanda! Thank you for sharing. I too loved nursing my babies and would cry sometimes with love. I miss that time. I’m glad you are enjoying this.

  • Grace says:

    All scientists can do is discover what God thought up. I remember that ferocity of love for my babies, and it’s never gone away. You’ve got it right, Amanda; it’s a God thing. Holy.

  • Karen says:

    Oxytocin.
    Some call it science. I call it the wisdom and perfect design of God.
    So glad you’re loving your babies!

  • Karen@Surviving Motherhood says:

    Oxytocin.
    Some call it science. I call it the wisdom and perfect design of God.
    So glad you’re loving your babies!

  • Janie says:

    Yes, I think it was your calling and also desire. I nursed my oldest for a little while but I did not have enough milk. Even though I have not nursed my children I looked at them in the same way that you do your children. I do believe that my mother did the same thing. I truly believe that if a mother does not love her children… that was not what God intended. We are mothers. Jesus had a mother and when I think of what she had to indure when Jesus was on the cross … it is almost unbearable!! Just thinking about it… makes my heart break. The thought of Jesus being on the cross and looking down at those that use to love and follow Him.. no wonder He had a broken heart. That was a good message Amanda. You have a pretty little baby. Love, hugs, and prayers, Janie

  • laura.bignell says:

    Isn’t it amazing how big a mommy’s heart can be? After my first baby I never wanted anymore beacuse I was so in love with her….who knew I could be so in love with two of them? 🙂 Your daughter is so adorable, perfect in every way just like they all are!
    ~Laura

  • laura.bignell@yahoo.com says:

    Isn’t it amazing how big a mommy’s heart can be? After my first baby I never wanted anymore beacuse I was so in love with her….who knew I could be so in love with two of them? 🙂 Your daughter is so adorable, perfect in every way just like they all are!
    ~Laura