paper thin walls {a response to a response to a response}

filed under: I Am Mommy on April 2, 2014

I recently had an email in my inbox.  It was from care.com and read:

War Of The Hotel Rooms: Should Babies Be Banned?

Recently, an anonymous letter berating a set of parents who brought their baby to a ski resort went viral. People were quick to pick sides — and a heated debate began: “Are there certain types of vacations that simply are not appropriate for kids and babies?” Two Care.com employees (one a parent, one a former service industry manager) have different reactions. What are your thoughts?

Now, I was pretty sure what the two lines of thinking were going to be.

One would say that babies shouldn’t be allowed on vacation and the other would say that they should.

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Olivia Crying

I clicked over to the article and started reading.

And kept reading.

And the more I read, the more disbelief set in.

BOTH opinions agreed that babies should not be taken anywhere.  And one suggested that

(and this is the part that gets me)

a crying baby should be brought down to the lobby to be quieted.

Just as a family with a crying baby should leave a restaurant when it gets too bad, so should parents at a resort. They should have gone to the lobby to soothe the child. No, it’s not convenient, but we all need to be more considerate of each other, especially when people around you are eating or sleeping.

olivia

 

Um, what’s this you say person who does not have any kids?  Surely you jest.

Let me just jump right in and share my biggest issues with this drama.

1. If it’s such an upscale ski resort, why are the walls so paper thin?

2. Since when is “should babies be allowed” EVEN A DEBATE?  Next thing you know there will be “BABY ONLY” sections of hotels.  Or restaurants.  Or malls.  Or planes. (That last one is not a bad idea… )

3. Who on earth would bring a screaming baby from your private hotel room to a public lobby to try to sooth?  I would never dream of telling the party goers to take it to the lobby.  Or the loud ‘intimate’ people.  I mean, can you imagine?

Banging on the door. “Can you folks please continue your escapade in the lobby while I am trying to sleep?  You are ruining my vacation!”

I am completely dumbfounded by that line of thinking.

Here are five really important and technical and educated reasons that I find this to be phooey.

1. I have more than one child.  I simply cannot leave my other children alone in a hotel room while I go hang out in the lobby.

2. I nurse my babies and often try to nurse to sooth them.  There is no way I would feel comfortable nursing my baby in a public lobby.  Why hello Mr. Night Shift Manager!  Yes I am desperately trying to force my child to latch on to my nipple and they keep refusing but I keep trying because I know once they do they will calm down and feel better!

3. I happen to think bringing a crying baby to a lobby is rude.  More rude that attempting to deal with the situation in a private room that I paid to be in.

4. Crying babies are more stressful for the mom than the baby!  Not only are we worried about said child, but we are worried about the other kids, the disruption,  wether we will ever sleep again, if we remembered to shut the garage door when we left for the vacation… you get the idea.  It’s stressful for all involved.

5. It’s stupid.

sleeping baby

Trust me oh-complaining-ones, I want my little cherub to go to sleep just as much as you do.  And I promise, I am doing everything in my power to make that happen.

But you know what?  The suggestion of not leaving home with a baby ever is just plain rubbish.

Sometimes travel is inevitable.  Sometimes circumstances are more important that potential annoyances.  Sometimes plans are made and money is spent before you even realize you are pregnant.  (And yes, that has happened to me, twice.)

Sometimes people need to have compassion instead of being so darn judgmental and rude.

Here, let me solve this whole big overinflated ridiculous dilemma for you.

Change rooms.

Accept that babies are here to stay.  (Especially in hotel rooms:  Don’t discriminate against the baby unless you are going to discriminate against the act of making a baby. #word)

You’re welcome.

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Comments

  • Nancy Rodriguez says:

    Mayor we should remind those people that “They were babies at one point of their lives” and they cried and screamed too!

    • Nancy Rodriguez says:

      I meant “Maybe”

  • Paula says:

    Well, I am also a parent and agree that a crying baby is stressful for all. And I have had my share of stays in hotels, some more pricey than others, and the only times I have been truly annoyed and really bothered, are when the herd of elephants staying on the floor above me decide to walk like a herd of elephants, or even better, trot back and forth, back and forth, back and forth in their room! Why does anyone have to walk back and forth 100 times? And do it hard!! I would rather have the baby any day.

    • Amanda says:

      LOL I have stayed in a room under that SAME heard of elephants!! Now that is frustrating! Have a blessed day my friend!

  • Amber says:

    I couldn’t agree more! I’ve never heard a crying baby in a hotel. If I did, my first thought would be “Aww poor little one and poor parents. It’s hard to stay away from home.” But, I’m a mother, so I’m “in the know”. lol Hopefully those in the article will have the opportunity to travel with an infant someday. I can imagine they’d be singing a different tune.

    • Amanda says:

      Yes, I hope they too get to experience first hand what it’s like!

  • Jennifer says:

    I agree with you! People don’t understand that it’s hard on the parent just as much as it’s “hard for them to enjoy eating,sleeping, or wherever they’re at”. It’s not like we want our babies crying when we’re out because we’d like to enjoy being out as well. But sometimes babies have other plans and that’s ok, people just need to realize that you simply cannot just tell a baby to be quiet or give them a bottle. None of my kids took bottles so that wouldn’t go so well and trying them to take a pacifier could make them cry harder. I also can’t imagine going somewhere without them. So if someone doesn’t want to be around babies then they should plan to go somewhere else. If I see a parent having a hard time with their kids, I don’t mind because I’ve been there before. I only get bothered if it’s an older kid that is being a brat and the parent could careless and let them be rude to other people. That’s more annoying than a little baby crying.

    • Amanda says:

      Totally agree!

  • R. D. says:

    Let me first say, yes I am a parent. My opinion may not be the popular one…now don’t get me wrong. I’m not of the camp that babies should never leave the house, but I am of the camp that some people seem to be oblivious to their own crying child. Yes, I understand things happen and babies cry, but as a parent I was always proactive in trying to quiet the crying as soon as possible. I didn’t want to here it and I sure knew others around me didn’t want to here it. My husband and I have spent many meals eating in shifts because of a fussy child. Those other people in the restaurant sure didn’t pay for that meal and a nice night out just to listen to my kid cry through it, so we’d take him out and do what needed doing. Same at the grocery store or anywhere else babies go. Courtesy works both ways and isn’t just about everyone else having to suffer through my crying child. It’s also me doing everything in my power so my child doesn’t disrupt them. Now when my son was little he didn’t sleep well away from home, but sometimes travel was necessary. I always took that into account when making reservations… If the hotel wasn’t super full, I’d specifically ask for a room away from others that were filled so we wouldn’t disturb other guests and so other guests wouldn’t wake our light sleeper. I know that’s not always possible, but even if we were near other rooms any crying at night only lasted minutes not hours. I’d have to say if I paid my hard earned money for a vacation the last thing I’d want would be to be kept awake all night by a crying child. Yes, I would ask to change rooms, BUT what if the hotel was full and that wasn’t an option…what if these parents on the other side of those paper thin walls are like some who can sleep through a tornado and were oblivious to the screaming (yes, I do personally know people like this) while the guests all around them had to endure it all night. Everyone should be understanding when it comes to children and crying, but far to many times I’ve encountered people who make no effort to quiet the child and expect that everyone else wherever they are should just suffer through it. For me it’s all in how the parent is handling the situation. If they are doing nothing and just letting the crying continue, that is when I get aggravated.

    • Amanda says:

      I think we agree in most things. I can honestly say that I have not come across any parents who just “let their kids cry” and do nothing. If that did happen somewhere, then I would probably be upset as well.

  • Brenda says:

    I have mixed feelings on this issue as I have children and have had them misbehave in public in the past as well as I enjoy being out and not hearing or dealing with misbehaving children. I don’t think that taking a crying baby through the halls to the lobby makes sense either. I have always removed my children from restaurants and such when they were making a scene or being disruptive to others as I believe that is the polite thing to do. I don’t think that having areas in restaurants and hotels etc. that children aren’t allowed is a bad idea. There are resorts that don’t allow children and I’m ok with that. There are times I would like to go that route (when my hubby and I travel for our anniversary) and there are other times that I wouldn’t do that because I am traveling with children. I agree that they need to also do something about the other loud things people do in hotels if they are being so loud that they are disturbing others. We stayed one night in a place that had a teenage girls basketball team. Our room was at the end next to the stairs and the girls ran up and down the stairs until 3 in the morning. That needed to be dealt with. I’m not very bothered if it is a noise that is short in duration, but if it continues throughout the night, then it is a problem. So, I guess I’m on the fence with this one. I think that if it is something that really bothers you, maybe you should ask the hotel if they can move you to a different room away from where the noise is whatever that noise is. Or in the case of people running up and down the halls and stairs the management could ask them to be more quiet. My children are now grown and we are raising a grandchild, but I have always tried my best to make sure that my children are not causing issues for the people around us when we are in public. I think it is the considerate thing to do. At the same time I would never say something nasty to someone who’s children were not acting as I thought appropriate in public. But I might ask to be moved somewhere else if it was something that was really bothering me to the point I couldn’t enjoy myself. My husband and I frequently choose to sit in the bar in a restaurant when we are out with no kids, because we know that is a place where there won’t be children acting out.

    • Amanda says:

      Sounds like you have a healthy perspective in all this. 🙂

  • Lisa Plasker says:

    What’s worst are the drunk late night party goers that come herding back into the hotel hallways in their drunken stupor screaming and cackling at the top of their lungs and wake up your sleeping babies. They are the BIGGER problems! I say we stop elevator service going up at midnight. 🙂

    • Amanda says:

      I second that motion. 😉

  • Roxanne says:

    My kids are in their teens now, but I agree with you! It would be beyond ridiculous to take a crying baby to the lobby in the middle of the night – I sure don’t go out in public in my jammies! Plus, how many other hotel guests would you disturb as you made your way down the hall to the elevator to get to the lobby? And can you imagine if you actually tried nursing your child in the lobby? Then you’d have people complaining about you feeding your child in public!!!

    When my kids were young, we would take them out of a restaurant if they got too loud…but a hotel room? No way! I have been woken at a hotel by a crying baby in another room – it bothered me a bit, but not a lot. Now the times I’ve been woken by people dropping their shoes from 3 feet high in the room above me, or walking like a pack of elephants, or running back and forth across their hotel room (think little kids at Disneyland) or running down the halls yelling (ever stay at a hotel that’s housing the kids for a soccer tournament?) or pulling the fire alarm or just being loudly drunk…those times, I’ve gotten annoyed and in the case of the soccer kids, we did actually complain – because their chaperones should have been keeping them under control.

    It seems hotels have gotten really cheap with their sound-proofing between rooms – I’ve heard people snoring, “making babies”, watching loud tv…it’s just part of staying in a hotel these days. No reason to discriminate against the babies!!!!

    • Amanda says:

      Well said!! I totally agree with all of it. 🙂

  • denise says:

    Oh my my! well as a mother of 5, YES 5 ! I 100% completely agree with every single word you said!!
    As a matter of fact I could not have said it better.
    My children always did and still do, come first. No matter where we are; home or away, camping in our 5th wheel or
    yes.. at a hotel room. Yes, Im sure there have been many a neighboring hotel guest who hated being next door to us
    but kids will be kids , infants will be infants and the bottom line is FAMILY IS FAMILY! You go and do together!
    Enough said.
    Just wait, all of you whom can pass judgment so easily, you really have no clue because you have NO CHILDREN!
    BUT the day will come when you do and amazingly enough… it will be different. WHY you ask? Because they will be “YOUR” kids. Those of us who have children have figured a highly guarded secret; once you have children of your own they all become perfect little angels & genius’s that all do everything quicker and better then anyone else’s kid before them!
    My advice to you is this; if you don’t want to be bothered by children make sure you only visit exclusive resorts!
    My family will be at the “other” hotel!

    • Amanda says:

      I want to hang out at the “other” hotel where you are! 🙂 Us moms of five need to stick together. hehe

  • joy says:

    I enjoyed your post..honest upfront..polite 😉 as well as correct! My babies are grown however I do have grand babies. I’m NOT leaving them home…
    Thank you
    Joy

  • Dana says:

    Excellent points Amanda! and well said. I think we could all use a bit, no I think a lot, of compassion.

  • Janine says:

    I can’t say that I ever had problems with my kids crying in a hotel before, but I did have a problem on an airplane. We had just landed and my son started to cry and the nasty looks started. Everyone made sure that they got in our way so that they could get off the plane before us. If they had just gotten out of our way they wouldn’t have had to listen to him and we would have gotten him calmed down sooner. I don’t get bothered by the crying kids. I get bothered by the parents that allow their children to scream and don’t do anything to fix it or add to it. Being a teacher and having worked in retail I see it all the time.

  • Melanie @ Carmel Moments says:

    I love that last line. Agree! “Don’t discriminate against the baby unless you are going to discriminate against the act of making a baby.”
    That’s exactly how I feel about abortion too. If you got to ‘do it’ then things will happen that you may not like. It was your choice but after it’s done it’s no longer a choice. It’s a life!

  • Bella says:

    Age discrimination!

    Seriously though, a baby is a citizen, not an imposition on society.

  • Nancee Dole says:

    People can be so ridiculous. Whenever I’m on a flight and I hear a baby start crying, I cringe. Not because the baby’s crying, but because I know that poor mother is about to get a ton of dirty looks and snide remarks from other passengers. I’ve even heard someone say “will you please shut that thing up?”

    I just don’t get it. News flash, babies cry! It’s ludacris to expect people to stay home when they have little ones. I think a little compassion and common sense go a long way. The poor mother is in an air born tube, 36,000 feet in the air, with a baby whose ears probably hurt. Where would you have her go to soothe the baby out of your earshot? It makes me nuts and I don’t even have any little ones myself.

  • Sue {munchkin munchies} says:

    Babies cry, people, and that’s a part of life. People need to have some compassion, or buy some ear plugs:)

  • Ginger says:

    #word My fav part of the whole post. Just another prejudice in this messed up world.

  • Michelle says:

    OH MY WORD!!!! Don’t take the baby anywhere? Really? As a stay at home mother of 5 ages ranging from 12 years to 3 months, that is just not practical. I too nurse my baby, but sometimes they get gas or are teething or a whole host of reasons, but taking them to the lobby is rude!! I’d rather stay in my room ans try to nurse him because I know once he nurses, he’ll be happy. If I have to run errands, my kids who aren’t in school go with me. Our kids go everywhere with us, including vacation. All children have their times when they will act up or misbehave in public, but babies can’t help it when they get fussy. To cry is their only way of communicating their needs that something is wrong whether it be from a dirty diaper, hunger, gas, teething, etc. Any hotel/motel/resort that tried to tell me I couldn’t bring my baby or kids would lose my business for life. If people allow them to ban babies, what’s next? Toddlers? You get the idea. It would only snowball out of control. People need to be more understanding and compassionate towards each other! As a Pastor’s wife too, there are times I would love to “ban” people, but God calls us to love one another and treat each other with love and respect. I try very hard to do that and to emulate that for my children as well. We’d all be much better off if everyone treated each other that way.

    • Amanda says:

      YES!!!

  • Maria in NJ ~Dolcelicious Bake Shoppe says:

    Wow the babies are gorgeous…about the crying baby thing…people need to be more tolerant…

  • Alice // Hip Foodie Mom says:

    Amanda, love what you said at the end. “Don’t discriminate against the baby unless you are going to discriminate against the act of making a baby. #word” Word indeed. Well said. 🙂

  • Deborah says:

    I recently stayed at a hotel where there was a bachelorette party happening on the same floor. Believe me – there is no crying baby that could have made as much noise as that group of women!! And guess what?? My kids, husband and I all managed to sleep through it and have a great vacation. Some people need to chill out.

  • Katie says:

    Those are the same people who think you should remove your fussing baby from the restaurant and go nurse her in the bathroom because nursing at the table would be “disgusting.” :/

  • Peg Erbes says:

    Of course take your child with you. Of course babies and toddlers cry. All of us moms and grandmoms feel for those parents who are desperately trying to quiet their upset child. But the number one concern is the well-being of that child. You can tell if the baby is being walked or simply howling in the hotel port-a-crib while mom and dad are passed out after that wonderful hotel party! Remember the McCann 3 year old who disappeared while parents were dining “near by”? I don’t think it’s ever a problem to report a distressed child in a nearby hotel room if you do so compassionately.

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