I have to say… mine has been off.

I have been feeling sorry for myself. 

I have been unfocused.

I have been disengaged.

When I posted on my blog about the news the doctor gave me, I was in such a sad place.  Feeling alone and hopeless and just beaten up.

But something changed in me.

I felt defeated because I lost sight of the big picture.

One specific Bible verse has played over and over in my head:

Romans 5:3-5

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

God has allowed this trial in my life because there is much work that needs to be done in me.  I am fairly certain that I need to regain my eternal perspective… that God is in control.  That I CAN trust in Him, and that I can sing his praises even when it seems that life is hard and dark and lonely.

I heard the song "All My Praise" by Selah and one line really struck me.

"Even in the shadow of death I will praise you…"

Before I had sung that and liked it, but it never resonated in me.  

With this latest pregnancy scare and the uncertainty of my baby's future… I can truly say that I felt like I was in the shadow of death.  

I felt like I had no control over my families future.  I felt like I had done something wrong.

I was right.

I dont have control of the future, and by not living fully in my faith, I had done something wrong.  I did not place my trust in God.

Thank goodness for this renewed sense of faith and desire to obey… and for the constant prayer and support.  So many wonderful people have offered Scripture and verses that were meaningful to them.  It now holds a special meaning for me as well.

No matter the outcome of this season in our lives, I am trusting God.  I am hopeful again for the future, and I am grateful for support and prayers.

I decided to embrace every single day of this pregnancy… to appreciate every single moment I have been given, and to pour out my love on this child and my family.

One thing that (prior to the cervical news) I was embarrassed about was how much I am showing already.  I am no skinny minny by any means, but I was busting out of my regular jeans by 10 weeks.  

Its just not normal!  

So I had planned on not showing any pictures until it was more socially acceptable to look like I was six months pregnant.

Like, maybe when I was six month pregnant.

But enough of that!  

This precious little life that has captivated our whole family is going to be celebrated in any way I can!


Isnt is crazy?  I have never shown like this with any of my other kids.  I guess this sweet baby is just making his own path right from the get go!

In other awesome news…

Chad is home now… we are spending the day laughing and playing and cooking with the kids and its been wonderful!

Life is good.

No matter what, this life is good.

Share with your friends!

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Meet Amanda Rettke

Amanda Rettke is the creator of I Am Baker, and the bestselling author of Surprise Inside Cakes: Amazing Cakes for Every Occasion – With a Little Something Extra Inside.Over the course of her 15+ year blogging adventure, she has been featured in and collaborated with the Food Network, New York Times, LA Times, Country Living Magazine, People Magazine, Epicurious, Brides, Romantic Homes, life:beautiful, Publishers Weekly, The Daily Mail, Star Tribune, The Globe and Mail, DailyCandy, YumSugar, The Knot, The Kitchn, and Parade, to name a few.

Reader Comments

  1. I was the same way with my 3rd.. it was awesome! I have just caught up on your posts and want you to know that you are in my prayers as well. One lesson I have to re-learn an awful lot lately is to “Be Still”. I need to be still, stop trying to do so much of what I think needs to be done, and let Him do what He needs to do in my life. It always works out so much better than my plan anyway.. He really does know what is going on.

  2. Hi! I just found your blog and enjoy reading your entries. Keep up the good work! 🙂 Congratulations on your pregnancy and God bless.

  3. Oh Amanda…I’m sorry I didn’t know. But Chad is home, you now have a handle on this, a caring OB and faith.
    We’re all here for you!

  4. What a wonderful post and it is so good to hear you are doing better! And so glad your hubby is home — that makes life so much better 🙂

  5. Hello. Stumbled upon your blog as I was googling for “Moist Chocolake Cake” recipes! Congratulations on your 3rd pregnancy. I’m a mother of 3 boys (ages 4, 2 & 1) so I must say, welcome to the threesomes club! Lots of work but double the amount of fun. I pray that you will have an uneventful pregnancy and you’ll carry your baby to term. *HUGS* All the way from Malaysia!

  6. Just came across your blog and really love your writing. Congrats on the new blessing, I will say a prayer for your pregnancy and know it is all in his hands. God bless!
    P.S. I am 10 weeks with #2 right now and feel the same way, about 5 or 6 months!!

  7. Your post touched me, reminded me, and gave me hope.
    I bless you and your family and pray that you never lose faith.
    You touch others thru Him.

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