Ever considered applying to Vacuumaholics Anonymous?

Answer the following questions:

You use your vacuums attachments:

  1. My vacuum has attachments?
  2. Occasionally if there is a big mess on the stairs.
  3. Always on the stairs, my vacuum doesn’t have suction in the upright position, so basically, I have to.
  4. Let’s see, I use the mini vacuum head attachment on the stairs, but occasionally switch it out to the large rotating brush when I need to get a deeper clean.  I use the ‘brush’ head attachment often when dusting, especially wall grates and high surfaces.  I use the thin, pencil head attachment for lots of the children’s toys, and especially the nooks and crannies of the high chair.  I always use the hose for cleaning of my hardwood floors, as dusting is insufficient for getting all dust and lint particles.

You vacuum is an acceptable weight for carrying up and down stairs:

  1. I guess so.  That happens about twice a year.
  2. No, it is a bit heavy.
  3. It is rather bulky and heavy but I don’t mind the workout.
  4. Well, I have an upstairs vacuum and a downstairs vacuum so that problem doesn’t arise… much.  My upstairs vacuum does offer superior suction, so occasionally I like to bring it downstairs for an extra deep clean.  I also like to alternate which vacuum I use on the stairs, also because of the difference in suction.  However, my downstairs vacuum is better on hard surfaces, so sometimes I have to alternate which gets used where.  They are both heavy.

An acceptable amount of dirt on your floor is:

  1. Dust and lint or okay for a few months, food crumbs get eaten by the dog, and luckily, our dog’s hair matches the carpet.
  2. I try to clean up when food spills or when one of the kids throws up.
  3. I vacuum when crumbs are visible, when I know the kids have eaten lots of chips or crackers on the couch, or when people are coming over.
  4. There is never an acceptable amount of dirt to have on my floor!  What a strange question.  I vacuum at least once a day, the stairs at least once a week, and try to wipe down the hard surface floors at least once a day.  I have small children and pets and people might stop by and my carpet might start to look matted if I didn’t.

Your vacuum storage is:

  1. In the basement storage closet.
  2. In the back of the laundry room.
  3. In the hall closet.
  4. I am not sure what you mean.  Am I supposed to put it away? Oh dear.  I guess one could go in the closet downstairs and one could go in my bedroom upstairs, but that would mean I am taking it out and unwinding the cord then winding up the cord and putting it away again everyday!  That doesn’t seem logical.  I prefer to keep it in the kitchen so its there right when I need it, which is often many times throughout the day.  If I have company I can put it in my room until they leave.  I will need to vacuum immediately after they leave.  People shed you know.

OK, if you have answered a, b, or c to any of the above questions, your vacuum usage in normal and you do not need to seek counseling. You may, however, want to verify that the dust bunny that lives under your couch is not an actual living animal.

If you answered d to ANY of the questions above, it is imperative that you are admitted to our facility immediately. Please, don’t stop to vacuum up those crumbs that just fell on the floor; don’t stop to explain to your husband how he needs to now resume your vacuum duties (and the seriousness of that position) until you return.  Please, just set the vacuum hose down and step away from the vacuum.  That’s right.  Easy now.  Just slowly back away.  You’re almost there.  Now pick up your keys and walk to your car.  No!  Don’t grab the dust buster for your vehicle!  Just climb into your car and put the keys in the ignition and back out of the driveway.  Good.  OK, we’ll see you soon.  Just think happy thoughts… clean floors, clean floors, clean floors…

This came to me as I was vacuuming my stairs.  I honesly could answer d to every single one of these questions.  I consider myself and addict.  I even have games that I play with my kids while I am vacuuming because I am vacuuming so often. 

I hope I made you smile a little…even if it was just to laugh at me. 🙂

God bless-


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Meet Amanda Rettke

Amanda Rettke is the creator of I Am Baker, and the bestselling author of Surprise Inside Cakes: Amazing Cakes for Every Occasion – With a Little Something Extra Inside.Over the course of her 15+ year blogging adventure, she has been featured in and collaborated with the Food Network, New York Times, LA Times, Country Living Magazine, People Magazine, Epicurious, Brides, Romantic Homes, life:beautiful, Publishers Weekly, The Daily Mail, Star Tribune, The Globe and Mail, DailyCandy, YumSugar, The Knot, The Kitchn, and Parade, to name a few.

Reader Comments

  1. We put in wood floors in most of the house because of pets and kids. My vacuum recently broke so I went out and bought a really cheap one since we have so little carpet to vacuum. I didn’t even pay attention…but this new one has NO attachments. None. I never even knew they came with nothing till now. And I had no idea how often I did use the hose/brush thingy…furniture, edges of the room, and…stairs. sigh. I have to go buy another, obviously.

  2. TOO funny…I only answered “d” to one of them, but gosh, I was awfully close on pretty many of them. But…living in the NE, does this rehab facility happen to be somewhere warm, and possibly without wind? (found your blog from P Dub btw)

  3. I love this…I so love vacuuming (weird to some). I actually had my Knight put in central vacuum and also have a Dyson (the pet version).
    Yup, the vacuum is my friend. Instant gratification.
    I honestly was pondering a post titled adoptions and vacuums. Adoption (the process) is so long and requires so much patience-vacuuming- instant gratification-and you can reach for it whenever you want, no waiting required!
    mama to 6
    one homemade and 5 adopted

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