This is the post I never thought I would have to write.
See, I was a cocky mommy. I had the whole “three kids” thing down pat. I could get things done during the day and still be with my kids and still make dinner for the family and not fall asleep standing at the kitchen sink at 8:06pm.
Then Eddie came along.
I love Eddie. I adore him. I smother him in kisses and snuggles. I cant stand being away from him. He is beautiful and perfect and my sweet, precious baby.
But Eddie cries.
A lot. I dont know why. I have heard the term colicky being thrown around and refused to entertain the thought.
Not my baby. My baby could never cry for no reason… I am super mom! I would always be able to find a way to ease his discomfort and make things right.
But… and I am crying as I write this… I cant. I cant always make things right. Sometimes he just cries and I cant make it better.
And its killing me.
I think about him all the time. I think if only I could hold him all day long and cuddle him and nurse him he would be happy.
But I cant. I have three other kids and a husband and a home and I cant.
I just cant. I cant make my baby ok and I cant be the mom I was to my kids before Eddie came along and I cant make dinners every night and I cant work out like I should be and I cant update my blog and I cant write those darn thank you notes sitting on my dresser half done and I cant keep up with laundry and I cant homeschool and I cant make my baby stop crying.
The guilt is overwhelming. But I would take it all on and then some if I could just make my baby comfortable and happy.
So much of who I am is wrapped up into being a mother. And if I cant do this, well, I just dont want to face those thoughts.
There a moments… hours even… of peace. Where he drifts off into a blissful sleep. And lately, there are even moments when he is awake and he will smile! Where he will look into my eyes and lift up the side of his mouth like a mini Elvis. His eyes will twinkle as he gazes into mine and I am renewed in those precious moments of love.
I covet those moments… they are whats keeping me going.
Right now, I am just tired. And feeling like a failure. And wishing I could make everything alright. Just not knowing how.
I cannot tell you the struggle I have had in whether or not to share this. To tell the world (or my little corner of it) is a fear I didnt even know I had! But I selfishly just want to ask for a prayer.
If you have a moment, will you just pray for my little Eddie?
I had a Eddie, only she was a Melissa! My forth child, and I always said, if she would have been my first, she would have been my last. She cried…and cried…and cried! The doctor said, she’s going to be a talker! She can’t talk, so she cries! Well, he was right! She IS a talker! We both survived, and today is her birthday – she’s 32 with 2 tots of her! I will keep both you and Eddie in my prayers!
I don’t know if I can say anything that hasn’t already been said, but I feel for you. It’s glaringly obvious to anyone who reads your blog regularly that you are a devoted Mom. God love them, but some are just cry-babies. If you’ve checked everything possible (& I’m sure you have)& your pediatrician says he’s healthy & thriving, then you are doing everything you can do. My only advice, for what it may or may not be worth, is to -let some things go for now (don’t worry about thank you cards, who cares if they’re late?) -let others help, they are ‘fresh’ & can tolerate the crying -trust yourself, you’ve done this before! -he ~will~ outgrow this. I was at a friends house today and read something that touched my heart. “Sometimes God calms the storm. And sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms the believer.” It’s been on my mind ever since…maybe so I could share it with you? Hang in there.
I will pray for you and sweet Eddie ! I’m so glad to have the chance to do that.
I think you’re probably at the bottom of the valley, so things will look up from now on. Chin up! It’s going to be great.
If I could, I’d like to encourage you to find a CD that you and Eddie listen to together. Our 4th baby was a cryer, too. We stood, rocking, to Norah Jones CD (the one 8 years ago). Now, when I hear any of those songs, I get all sappy and think of those GOOD memories of my baby girl and me and Norah’s voice. Yes, I promise, they will be good memories someday. Memories of him needing you, you holding him, and the two of you fighting a giant together.
Hugs! Lori
Admitting you “can’t” makes you a SUPER MOM!! This is just God’s way of telling you that you are not the Almighty, he is 🙂 (even if we REALLY want to be!) Take pride in the things you DO get done! The rest will always be there when you are ready….or should I say, when Eddie is ready 🙂 Prayers and hugs for YOU!
Sorry, sweet friend. I know the feeling! Ty was that baby. We didn’t eat inside a restaurant until he was over a year old. He just screamed. Screamed at everything. Every night. Every day. For hours.
And now. He still gets very excited, very easily. He also picks up on things most people miss. He’s extremely curious. He is a problem identifier and beginning to be a problem solver. He’s not afraid to express himself and he’s learning to do so in appropriate ways even when it’s difficult.
I will pray for peace to envelope your home. I will pray for your peace of mind. I will pray for your kids peace. God made Eddie. He knows his temperament and he chose YOU to be his mama. You are not a failure. You are on a very steep learning curve. Hugs to you!
Have you tried cutting out all dairy from your diet?….and I do mean ALL dairy. My 4th son reacted the same and this worked like a charm; he began to sleep and gain weight. It’s worth a try. Keep off the dairy for 3-4 months and introduce it back into your diet slowly. Good luck and I will keep both of you in my nightly prayers.
Done. Praying that you feel wrapped in love and that those sweet quiet moments continue to renew you (and that those moments multiply quickly). Praying that Eddie feels that same love and that together you can both be calm and peaceful. Praying for relief for you both.
You have 95 comments and may not even read this, but I am going to share my experience. I had a crier. I was told colicky, but he seemed to cry all the time, not just at specific hours. And, he always wanted to be held which meant I got nothing done. It took a few weeks, but he was finally diagnoised with reflux….his wasn’t so bad that he threw up, but it was still bad. Once we got him on medicine….life was good.
Anyway, and either way, I will keep ya’ll in my prayers.
Everyday will get better. I keep telling myself this. Hope you can get some rest.
I keep you both in my prayers, and like people said before, try carrying hem in a some sort of sling. My daughter also cried and cried and cried. There where 3 ways that she was more comfortable. Rocking in a baby hammock,carying her in a sling and walking for ours with the stroller. Luckily I found a granny (without grand kids of her own) who loved to go for long walks with her. So I could get some sleep or do some household things
Try to find someone (maybe from your church) who wants to help you through these rough times.