(most of these thoughts originally published on my blog in March of 2008)
I have read the book Grace
Based Parenting, by Dr. Tim Kimmel, but
recently picked it up as an afterthought . Or should I say, a God-thought.
It totally blew my mind. Let
me try to explain… Right in
the beginning of the book he (Dr. Kimmel) poses a question to the readers.
"What are the
fundamental, driving inner needs that your child was born with?"
Uh. What?
Um. I don't know. I should know this right? Think.
Think. Think. Uh…
Well most parents get a
partial answer…which is love.
Others offer answers like
food, clothing, shelter (physical needs, not driving inner needs) education (an
intellectual need, but not a driving inner need) or salvation (not a driving
inner need).
Have you thought of it yet?
(I hadn't either, but its pretty obvious; and if you have thought of it, Dr.
Kimmel suggests you are on the right path to raising great kids. Great
job!)
Before I give you the
answer, he points out one more thing.
One person knows what
your child's driving inner needs are.
Know who that is?
Satan.
(Insert full body shudder here)
He knows exactly what drives
our children, and is working overtime to meets those needs in counterfeit
ways. Scary. So raising up
your children in a spiritual cocoon won't help because satan operates inside
it.
Plus, hes not the only
one. The world system and our children's inner tendency towards
selfishness can do a pretty good number on our efforts.
OK, so thats sobering
stuff.
But here is the good part…
we have to greatest force of good in the universe on our side.
Thats pretty encouraging.
Ok, ok, so I will tell you
what the Three
Driving Inner Needs are.
- A need for security.
- A need for significance.
- A need for strength.
Dr. Kimmel suggests that the
way to meet these needs is by giving your children three valuable gifts: love,
purpose, and hope.
So, if I've done my job
right, my children should leave my home with a love that is secure, a purpose
that is significant, and a hope that is strong.
His book continues to be
amazing and insightful and offer many more great tips, so I encourage you to
check it out if you have any parenting questions or issues like so many of us
do.
I am so thankful to the Lord
and His perfect timing and letting me come across this information now, just
when I was starting to lose patience and grace.
If my children see a
constant, sincere representation of grace in our home, they will be more
inclined to represent that behavior themselves.
Oh, and one other great point… Dr.
Kimmel tells us to remember that even when your child is hardest to love, that
is when you should love them most.
Because that is
exactly how God parents us.
This is perfect timing, or maybe God’s timing. We are currently struggling with my 3 1/2 year old’s strong will. He is pushing the boundaries every chance he gets. I’ve been looking for a good parenting book that also intertwines faith and God.
The comment about Satan is so true. It’s a good reminder of who the battle is really against, not our children.
Thanks Amanda, I’m going to check this book out for sure!
I have this book on my shelf…think I better get to reading it! Thanks for sharing. God bless – Holly
Oh I better get ordering! Sounds like a wonderful book!
I love the second to last paragraph. This is something I always try and remember.
I have to teach my son about lying….breaks my heart. But it has to be done.
God Bless!
Tina
Thank you for such an encouraging reminder of what our parenting goal should look like! As the young ones become older ones I really feel that urgency to fill them with all the love, purpose and hope I can. It will be just a short time before they can venture out on thier own. Blessing to you and yours!
Well, this is SO what I need to be hearing, reading soaking in right now!
Thanks so much.
I am going to go and get the book asap.
It is so very sobering and real and scary.
I think sometimes I forget how incredibly important our jobs are as moms.
This is good stuff, Amanda.
And, you know? That list of our children’s driving needs looks so much like my OWN needs!
LORD, help me to point my children to You, to reflect YOU to them, to show them that the fulfillment of all our needs can be found in You!
This is good stuff, Amanda.
And, you know? That list of our children’s driving needs looks so much like my OWN needs!
LORD, help me to point my children to You, to reflect YOU to them, to show them that the fulfillment of all our needs can be found in You!
Great sound advice! Sounds like a good read.
Thanks for sharing!
Awesome! We actually bought that book before our first child was born and I have yet to read it. Now I’m totally excited to read it…especially since we’re entering the lovely 3’s. 🙂
This post is going to have me thinking for awhile…