I just need a moment to breath.
And I have a feeling you do too.
These last two months have been a whirlwind. I have laughed and cried. I have been humbled beyond words and I have felt so disappointed that I am ashamed it rocked me to my core.
The highest of highs and lowest of lows, so to speak.
For example, I worked my butt off on a cake. From conception to completion, every detail was meticulously thought out. I worked for DAYS to make sure this cake was perfect. 
I am not kidding you when I say I put my heart into it. As I placed the final coat of frosting and added the final details, I just knew this cake was going to be amazing.
I could just see it… the TODAY Show producers would see it and mouths would drop. People would hover around computers to look at the pictures.
The call would be made, “Pack your bags, you are coming to NYC!” 
It turned out beautifully. Every painstaking detail!
I sat on pins and needles for days.
And days.
And days.
And never heard a word. Not only were they not impressed, but there was no call. I would not be making a morning show appearance.
I can’t say for certain why it hit me so hard, but I can’t help but feel like it had something to do with the expectations I had unwittingly placed on that silly little cake. Its like my entire career as an author and baker was resting delicately on clouds of white buttercream. When reality set it, it was a crushing and embarrassing defeat.
There is just something different about publishing a book. I know people equate it to childbirth, and I can definitely understand why, but for me it was very different.
Concerning my children, once they are in the world they are perfect and loved and there is no convincing me otherwise. They, in their unquestionable perfection, are the greatest thing I have ever had a hand in creating. And their perfection and amazingness truth is independent of me. In that, there is no doubt.
With the book, the failure is a direct result of me. My efforts. Will someone hold it and understand my heart? Will they look over the less-than-refined cakes and see the memories I hope will be made or the inspiration I desperately want to share? Will they understand that I have never in my life been so vulnerable publically and that it’s absolutely terrifying?
Well no, of course not. It would be silly to expect people to read that deeply into my words and hear my heart. It’s a book about cake.
The truth is, I am not a New York Times best selling author as badly as I wanted to say those words.
And that’s ok.
There have been interviews and reviews and thankfully, the amazing and supportive blogging community has stepped forward and shared some of the most kind and humbling posts I could ever imagine. Every single one of those posts and a treasure to me! (See them here)
I heard a quote once that has really stuck with me as a blogger, and now author. (It was said by Ellen DeGeneres and I can’t remember it exactly, so this is a paraphrase.)
“Never believe the worst of what people say about you. Never believe the best either.”
As much as I want to believe the best of what others say, it holds no more truth than the worst.
What I am learning is that it is important to trust and value the opinions of those close to you.
That when my husband surprises me with flowers and says, “I am so proud of you,” that is something I can let fill my soul.
So instead of never sharing my cakes with the world and acting like everything is fine and dandy and that rejection and hurt don’t come ’round here, I choose to be real.
(I had started with the NBC Peacock logo but it was not as sharp and clean and I wanted so I discarded it and kept working.)
I made a surprise inside cake for the TODAY show. And they didn’t care about it one way or another.
But that doesn’t it make it any less valuable or significant to me.
If you would like to support this sometimes maker of pretty cakes and accidental writer, you can get my book HERE.
Your work is amazing. You are truly gifted. As far as the Today Show, they don’t have much of an audience anyway and are pretty irrelivant. That why they are losing their audience..
I have always been SO amazed by your work! Being a cake baker/decorator (for family only…they are my most valued customers ;)….plus, I don’t have time to do it for anyone else cause we KNOW how much time goes into one cake!!!) I have the DEEPEST of appreciation and AWE of your God given talent…
But, you’ve increased my fondness of you as a person with this post…whether TODAY ever comes back to you or not, it hurts…it hurts to put your heart and soul into something that you truly LOVE, and no one even acknowledges it. Sure, they’re a big company (to say the least) who may be very busy and not have found the right spot for you, but I can completely understand your disappointment and OH, how I admire your honesty with us!!! We’ve ALL been hurt, even when we “should know better”… what’s most beautiful is that roller coaster brought you right back to what you believe in your heart, is all that matters: those you love, loving and appreciating you fully and completely!!
I just bought your book and cannot WAIT to give one a try…my kids are into BIG cakes with MAJOR themes (I have Mine Craft, Hello Kitty, Animals all over the world (LOL) and a Puppy cake on the schedule for this years birthdays :)), but for someone else or when they get beyond theme cakes, yours will be my great next challenges!!
Our art is flour and buttercream and you, dear woman, are a TRUE artist!!!
I just love looking at your cakes. They make me happy to see. I am not much of a baker but can really appreciate your art. Keep on keeping on girl!
Amanda, first of all I want to say, Sorry My English hope you can understand me. I have been reading your blog and following you about 2 months now .. Yes barely 2 month.. .. I have seen your work, yet, I have not done No cakes.. but I will eventually. I am not a good cook either nor a good baker, i think the last time I baked cookies was like 20 yrs ago. The other day I told you on face book that I hope Food Network picks you or sees your talent and gives you your own show. You are so unique, different, and most of all you bake with Love. I always say, Cooking or baking is an art is something that not everyone can do. You are very nice to share with us … your talents. Even, If your book is not new York number 1.. is still out there you where able to publish your BOOK you DID IT!!!! .. I am ADHD and your book helps me ” visualize how to bake a cake.” and I love the pictures 🙂 I am almost 40. I am intellectual challenged mildly with ADHD. I was told I could never care for myself or work well, Doctors where so wrong.. I work, I care for myself and happily in love with my love and with kids. Here I am doing it on by myself and my next goal is to get my GED. I had to learn how to cook the basics, now I want to bake too. I love colors and many of your cakes and things you cook have COLORS! It just takes me a while to do something .. I need to read a book like 10 times LOL .. Then make many mistakes until I get it right. The support I have is my kids, My fiance , My mom and Myself. Its ok to feel like that sometimes Is when I was doing an easy in English it was so hard I worked so hard for it and at the end My easy was not picked,. I felt so sad they did not pick me .. but I got a C on that assignment .. and to know I made it to a C GOSH I LOVE IT. Before I never even made it to D. Knowing I got a C was like an A to me 🙂 .. You have to many people that LOVES YOUR WORK.. LOVES IT LOVES IT… and to let you know For many People including your family You are always NUMBER 1 .. and always will be. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I hope you understood Me. Thank you.
I think YOU are the inspiration! So thankful for your support and that you are willing to share of yourself. I appreciate you!
Dear Amanda,
I found your blog a few years ago now and you are my inspiration! When I had my first child who is now 6 I wanted to be the mummy that he could tell his friends, “my mum makes the best cakes and cookies” and with your blog I am proud to say I am that mum. Thank you for that. I borrowed money to buy your book as I really wanted to support you and I am so excited to get it!
Thanks again from a big fan
Thank you so much Candi. And yes, you ARE that wonderful loving amazing mum!! 🙂
You are a blessing to so many, God has given you a wonderful gift! I thank God for you!
Your honesty is truly admirable. Thanks for sharing.
I can’t fully imagine what you’re going through as I have never written a book, but I understand the feeling of disappointment and things not going the way you had planned or hoped.
Continue to do what you love to do, even if no one notices. It’s not their opinion that matters but your happiness.
Aw, don’t take it to heart! Your blog is an inspiration to many, I check it too many times a day to count and tell everyone who will listen about the awesome-ness of the cakes you bake. You started my obsession with anything Wilton and homeade buttercream =) and my tummy thanks you.
Amanda, reading this makes my heart hurt. I too struggle so much every time I get a negative comment or someone tries to rain on my parade. Those Today people are bastards! I look at what you do and I am amazed on a daily basis that you can create such magnificent cakes. They are gorgeous and delicious!!! Because I have made them…you should be proud of yourself. Most people don’t know that as bloggers we are our own writers, designers, photographers, food stylists, chefs, bakers, editors, dish washers and on and on and on. You are magnificently talented, KUDOS to you! My goal is to one day get a cookbook! You have already achieved something that many only dream of. Good for you for actually being brave enough to fight this tough uphill road and standing up after each stumble. <3
Bless your heart, Amanda. Though I haven’t attempted anything on the scale you are right now, I know that most times I work so hard specifically seeking the approval of others ….. I am often disappointed. Thank goodness we both know whose approval matters most. I appreciate you and your blog so much. Thank you for your transparency!