not gonna lie…

filed under: I Am Mommy on July 27, 2014

… it’s been a tough week.

My husband and two oldest children left early in the week for a fishing trip in Canada.

Roughly a day later our chickens and guineas were attacked by neighborhood dogs and a couple of them were killed.  I tried to save some and in the process didn’t realize my little boy had come outside behind me.  One of the large energy-filled dogs ran at him and jumped on him, throwing him to the ground and terrifying him.

#momfail

A day later the baby, Eddie (3) and Audrey (5) and I were playing in the yard.  We have a huge frog population here due to the numerous ponds on our property.  As we were catching  little tiny frogs (about dime sized) and then feeding them to the chickens (#momfail?) Audrey held one up to my face.  I was startled and asked, “Audrey, what is that?”

“I like to pull off their arms and legs!”

#momfail #amphibianfail

And gross.  Just, gross.  What the heck do I say to that?  I feel like, “We do not pull arms and legs off of frogs.” is just so obvious.

On Thursday morning, (the morning after the Chicken Incident) my mom drove over.  I also had a sitter and planned on stealing my mom away from the grandkids to take her shopping and to lunch.  I needed a break and having a girls afternoon with my mom was going to be just what I needed.

At the last minute  we decided to bring Audrey with us ( it was better for the frogs) as she doesn’t get mommy and grandma time very often, if ever actually.  Then, 10 miles away from home I realized I had left my money at home.  All of it.  I had nothing.  Not even my license.

Now there would be no shopping and my mom had to pay for lunch!

#momfail #goodcitizenfail

On Thursday afternoon, I had to run pick up the milk we buy from a local farm.  I buy 3 gallons and it is $8 a gallon.  I ran and got it, got home and let the sitter (Deanna, she is wonderful) head home.  The kids and I played and tried to pick up and watched movies until bedtime.

Saturday morning (yes, a full day and a half later) I went to get the milk out of the fridge in the garage.  It wasn’t there.

milk-in-car

Of course, it wasn’t!  Because I had left it in my car that whole time, tucked in so securely.

#momfail #greenfail

Last night was a long night and I yelled more than I should have and was terribly short with my sweet kids.  I finally gave up and sent them to bed an hour early, simply because I was completely incapable of dealing with them anymore.  I tear up just saying that, as it is not something I ever imagined I would say publicly.  It is NOT a reflection of them at all,  they are just wonderfully curious and energetic and sometimes forgetful kids.  I, however, am impatient and short tempered and ornery.  After I put them to bed I went outside to get the chickens in their coop.  I stopped in the garden and moved the sprinkler and pulled some weeds.  After a few minutes, I made my way to the house.

And realized I was locked out.

I knocked.  I rang the doorbell.  I hollered.

Nothing.

I screamed and pounded on the door and rang the doorbell repeatedly.  Finally groggy little Audrey made her way upstairs and let me in.  Kids now awake.

#momfail

That ended up being a blessing in disguise because it gave me an opportunity to talk to the kids.  I went to their room and asked them to forgive me.  They agreed, I got more hugs and kisses and we all went to bed with a lighter heart.

On top of being home with the kids and trying to keep everyone alive and healthy, I am trying to do a full time job;  running my blog.

I know most people do not understand how this could possibly be a full-time job, and I get that.  In the simplest of terms, an average recipe posted on my blog takes about 8 hours to complete.  I need to shop for supplies, bake recipe, style it for the pictures, take the pictures, edit the pictures, then write a post and publish.  Once it is published I try to promote on social media; facebook, twitter, Instgram, google+ and pinterest.  In addition to trying to promote my little blog daily I try to stop by other blogs and comment, pin, tweet, or share their content as well.  Blogging is a community after all.

My whole point in telling you that is that I didn’t get my job done this week.  I baked and photographed two measly recipes. (should be doing five a week)

#momfail #bloggerfail

"Marry Me" Cookies!

I will be posting these cookies soon as this was one of the two recipes I was able to tackle.  Feel free to stop by and see the recipe tomorrow.  The title is almost as fun as the cookie itself!  And thank you. 🙂

While my husband was out of town I had big plans of converting our laundry room into my office.  It’s a fairly big room with high ceiling, storage and a big window.  I was going to paint and organize it and proudly have a big reveal moment when he walked in the door.

I bought the paint.  And that’s it.

#momfail #DIYfail

On top of everything, I agreed to volunteer at Vacation Bible School (VBS) this week.  That means I need to get up early, get Eddie and Audrey ready and head to church.  That also means that I am behind on posting on my blog already, as the mornings are normally when I bake and photograph things.  I should have gotten five recipes done for this week, but I didn’t.  So now I am behind.

#momfail #bloggerfail #satanfail

Other things not as important but still of consequence:

I found potato bugs in the garden.

potato bugs

Having no clue how to deal with this, I uprooted the entire plant and threw it in the garbage.  I am sure my husband will not be pleased, but OH MY WORD THEY ARE MINIATURE SLIMEY DEADLY ALIENS.

Olivia was playing quietly in the pantry and I was soaking up the moment’s peace.

Olivia making messes

“Um, no mom.  I didn’t do that.  Nope.  Not me.”

#momfail #cleaningitupfail #itsstillthere

As I was working yesterday Eddie came running up to me and said, “Mom, look what I found!”

It was an almost-dead bird, still convulsing slightly.  It had flown into the front window and Eddie thought I would want to see it, so brought it  inside to show me.  It was delicately nestled into his hands.  We brought it outside (after I FREAKED OUT) and I asked him to set it down while I figured out what to do.  He then proceeded to stomp on it. (it was dead at that point)

I won’t share a picture of that.

#momfail #momfail #momfail

And now, to top off the whole fabulous experience, I just went outside and found another dead chicken.  No idea what happened.  None at all.

Chicken Feathers

 

I don’t know which one this was because it was so badly mutilated.  So yeah.  That was an interesting thing to clean up.

#chickenmomfail #stomachfail

How am I going to explain this to my kids???

It’s been a tough week.  Nothing compared to what some people deal with on a daily basis, but for me it’s been hard.  I kinda sorta want to give up, to throw in the towel and let the world know that it was all too much for me.  I failed.

But, I won’t.  Not because I am strong, but because it’s almost bedtime and I might get to actually watch Reckless on CBS tonight and drink Moosehead beer because that is all I have in the fridge.  Wish me luck.

 

*****

I hope it is obvious that I did in fact talk about how wrong it is to harm frogs, and that we all mourned the loss of the pets.  I hope it is obvious that I am horrified that Audrey and Eddie did something unkind to an animal.  We talked about it for hours, for days, and they had consequences.   It is my hope that they will learn to respect and care for all creatures, as they will be able to see how we treat them and know what is right.

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Comments

  • Kelly says:

    I LUV ur pictures…I like ur recipes… I like that u share ur daily life with us in ur internet community. I also add my cyber hugs to ur awful week..I know not NOW but hopefully one day..even when u tell ur hubby about u will look back in the week & have a giggle? Ur kids are curious…& naturally want to explore their world.. That’s great…not all kids get that chance.. RIGHT? While I too would be squeamish with all the dead animals… & scared about what’s getting ur poor birds… I think you handled it all like anyone else would…please don’t beat ur self up…YOU are doing the best u can..as far as patience go.. Especially with ur kids.. I’ve not gained anymore patience..& my 3 girls are 17..14..& 12….I pretty much pray daily for not yelling/temper tantrums & sarcastic voices & eye rolls to not bother me…sigh..one day at a time.

  • Sue says:

    I’m sorry you had such a rough week. It’s however nice to read that other Mom’s have these *momfail moments too. Sometimes I think I’m the only one. It’s also nice to read about other kids doing things that I would tend to *overreact* to if my kids did. Of course, they do things that just make my head spin at times. Especially my 8 year old boy!!! The good news is that today is a new day, a new week and all we can do is try our best at Mom’s. Hugs and prayers to you.

  • Verona says:

    TREADING WATER- JUST REMENBER YOU HAVEN’T SUNK YET! 🙂
    ENJOYING YOUR TALES!!!!!!

    • Amanda says:

      Very true!

  • Aaryne McEvoy says:

    Oh, Amanda…this is one of the reasons why we blog…we need to share and we need to read that other people are “soul mates” in this crazy world of stay-at-home parenting and trying to do it right every day! I get scolded by my mother for sharing too much about the kids and my life online (I am 43 years old!) but there are days when I NEED to. I am a newbie blogger, mostly about gift ideas, with a varied focus, and I also committed to daily blogging when I started. It ain’t easy!! Especially when I share my own recipes – holy moly that is time-consuming. And I have not even begun to work on gift ideas that I would make myself – not with three young kids at home and no support system. My house is a constant mess of toys and kitchen counter clutter – every time I try to take a food picture there is a mess in the background. I do not have a “blogging” spot set up yet. My laptop is in the kitchen so I can stand and get on for 30 seconds at a time all day long. I have no system for saving pics, they are all in one folder – THAT will be a nightmare when I finally get to a point down the road. It is impossible to type a coherent thought because of all of the “kid action” going on around me. I am exhausted at night when I finally complete all of the things I could not get to during the day and THEN have a moment to myself to do something fun and to focus on my blogging, which I just do as a hobby at this point. My hubbie travels for work and it never fails that those are the times when 1 million things go wrong at the same time and I have no idea what to do first. I can be mean mommy, impatient mommy and annoyed sighing mommy – things I do not like about myself. I pray every night for God to help me be a better mommy the next day. I too have to tell my kids that I was bold and that I did not like how I handled something, often while I am crying because I am so sad for my behavior toward my kids. But I hope they learn that they will not always do it right and the best thing they can do is talk about it and apologize and that there is always room for a “do-over”. My babies are the best part of my world and I am blessed to have them and to be able to stay-at-home, because that works for me and our family. But it is 24/7 and I am not one of those people that is TOTALLY only about being a mom. I have parts of me that want to do things non-momma…and fitting that into a 24/7 job (that has no days off!) is tough and that is often when I fail as a mom. But, I still try to juggle it all because it should be ok for me to have a few moments “by myself” as my youngest gets a little more independent. Thanks for sharing, and although I do not have chickens and have not had your week, I have had “those kinds of days and weeks” that were my awful moments. I tell myself that it will all make great Thanksgiving dinner table conversation when my kids are adults.

    Aaryne

    • Susan Juggert says:

      A great note of encouragement Aaryne! :0)

    • Amanda says:

      I heart you Aaryne. 🙂

  • Pam, in NC says:

    omystarz – bless your heart!!!!! I just want you to know, in the spirit of full disclosure, that I LAUGHED at your misfortunes!! Sorry… but it wasn’t ME this time, so I was able to see the humor in it all! Okay, maybe not ALL… pets dying is seriously sad. But locking yourself out… forgetting your money… that’s funny stuff!! 🙂 Okay. Maybe not yet.

    I think you rock and I SO appreciate your post on all of this! We’ve all had a child do something that mortified us on the spot – they just didn’t know any better at the time! We’ve hid those dirty little parenting secrets – but not you! I love an honest-warts-and-all blogger!!!!!!!!!! HUGE hugs!!

    • Susan Juggert says:

      I forgot to tell Amanda that I too like Pam in NC giggled at a few of the antics, I can just picture the frog after a similar incident happened in our past. This is what Blogging is about, if you have something on your mind and we all respond as regular friends would. Like Pam and the others, so proud the honesty and that we are all included in your life.

      • Amanda says:

        Well it sounds like you and Pam are my kinda girls. I wrote a ot of it tongue-in-cheek hoping it would make someone smirk. *especially the hashtags*

    • Amanda says:

      I love when you laugh! It means I did my job right. 🙂 BLESSINGS!!!

  • Susan Juggert says:

    First off, you are not a Fail at anything. Goodness you do so much and have a loving family and the kids are kids, they learn right and wrong from their folks and you do a wonderful job. I felt so bad for you reading this latest blog, I just wanted to be living close enough to give you a helping hand on those days. But Amanda we all have those days. It’s called Life. It doesn’t make you bad or a failure, your just totally awesome at being a human :0) I don’t do 1/2 of what you do in a day, I use to but now I am not as active and I so enjoy your blogs and recipes and hearing how your day has gone. So sorry you lost some of your chickens. I wish I had the words to encourage you when you have one of those days or weeks, but keep your head up and when you have one of those moments, take a deep breath. Have a cry if you need it and get back at it. Your kids will turn out fine, animals will survive and all will be right when sooner or later. I wish I had better advice but I guess I am just trying to say, all of us that read your blog have probably been there and enjoy what you have to say and watch how your life is going. We are your shoulder to cry on or our arms to lean on. When the day is getting tough, try to leave us all a note (blog) even if its one or two words. We are here for you. Hope this will be a better week. :0)

  • Susan M. says:

    Amanda, I am a grandma. I raised one child, so I have no experience dealing with more than one at once. I do have one piece of advice. You know that thing you did after almost all the bad stuff had happened and you yelled at your kids and then apologized? I learned when I was raising my daughter that it’s best to do that apology when I *start to* lose my temper. Or not even an apology — just a statement — “I’m having a bad day!” It doesn’t always work and it doesn’t always even help, but something else I learned was that it’s worth it to try.

    One more thing — this is one of those YMMV things — looking back on those child-raising years, I would never volunteer to do anything that had me taking on even more kids. Never-never-never. That includes things at church.

    On a personal note, that thing with the dogs killing chickens happened to us when I was growing up. I have never forgotten it. I am very sorry it happened to you.

    • Amanda says:

      Thank you Susan. Sounds like you have been through it all before and I am thankful you are willing to share your wisdom! 🙂

  • Ramona K says:

    Prayers your way. Sounds like you had such a trying week. Hang in there as God doesn’t give us anymore than we can handle. Love your blog.

  • Kristin Whitehead says:

    Oh please don’t say you failed because if you got through a week like that, you did everything, EXCEPT fail!! You should win a medal just for that! And I don’t even know how you found the time to blog it. I am a stay-home mom. I run a small crochet business. I have tried to also fit in some blogging along with it. I have learned that I can be mommy, a great wife, keep up with crocheting, and blog…but not all at the same time. I always end up neglecting my blog because I just can’t find the time with everything else. I think you are great so don’t be so hard on yourself. Your next recipe should be for a celebration cake for getting through the week you’ve had!

  • Linda says:

    Amanda and all you wonderful bloggers…we are never alone in life and what happens to us has happened to others. This too will pass. What you all do – being moms, writing, baking, creating is so beyond most people. Breathe, talk it out, think good thoughts and know you are loved via this wonderful cyber connection. Bless you all.

  • Cat says:

    Oh Amanda!!! That’s the week from Hell! I think I would have been a puddle by the time my husband came home from his trip…a little melted puddle! But I so get the “I’m SOOO done being a Mom today” feeling! Fortunately those days come when I have a husband to turn the boy over to so my heart goes out to you that you were at that point and without your hubby to pick up that slack. But I get that feeling! Hope life settles out and gets much easier soon!

    • Amanda says:

      Thank you sweet Cat. Hope your day is blessed! 🙂

  • LizA says:

    Above all else just remember this: #mom&wifefirst, #everythingelselater

  • melle e says:

    I didn’t see her comment, but I can guess from the response and the edit…. some people. too bad HER mom didn’t teach HER how to treat HUMANS.

    Anyway. Not a failure, hon. You didn’t give up. you kept going.

    First a word if advice. It’s okay to look at your littles and say, “mommy is feeling really naughty and need to spend a few minutes in time out/the thinking spot/ naughty seat.”
    However y’all word it. It was a lifesaver for me.

    and let me tell you something else.

    You apologized to your kids. You let them see that YOU recognized that you had been put of line… and you let them see how to handle that.

    You earned their respect and trust.
    You validated their little kid emotions.
    You empowered them.

    You’ve given them incredible gifts.

    I tell way too much. I hate that part of me that gives to my own sweet boy what I got as a kid.

    The one thing I do different…. I go back. I tell him I’m sorry. That my anger wasn’t to do with him and it’s not his to own, bare responsibility for, or repair. It’s mine.

    And then I ask for his forgiveness.

    Even if he needed discipline…. Because yelling isn’t discipline. It’s anger, fear, anxiety, overwhelmed emotions.
    But it’s not discipline. So yes. I even apologize if he needed discipline.

    And he’s never ever not forgiven me. I worry sometimes that there will come a day when I will have messed up one too many times… And his forgiveness will run dry… Until then, I’m going to cherish that at 14, he still loves me…. And knows how much he is loved. Because that’s something I didn’t have… That deep down knowledge of being loved.

    You’ve given your kids that.

    It makes ALL the difference in the world.

    #momwin

    • Amanda says:

      Well said. Many thanks to you!! (love #momwin)

  • Maria Hanrahan says:

    Amanda, I’m feeling for you during this tough week you’ve had. I appreciate you keeping it real and sharing your rough week with us. I know I’m often guilty of being envious of the success that bloggers have and how darned cute they look in their about me photos. Thanks for making me stop to remember that there are real people with struggles and crazy schedules behind the cuteness, and that they are just as human as me and just as prone to bad periods of time and feeling overwhelmed. I’m there with you this week…… my improvements to my kitchen sink on Thursday created a leak issue that still has to be addressed, then on Friday a bad light came on during my drive home from work. Long story short, we need to replace the car. I hope August is much nicer to both of us!

    • Amanda says:

      Oh my gosh Maria!!! I am so sorry. Praying that these issues get resolved quickly and cheaply!

  • Maria Hanrahan says:

    I think Reckless might soothe any bad week. I caught up on the past two episodes myself tonight. Totally ship Roy and Jamie!

  • Janie Garner says:

    My son, at age 4, pulled the wings off a fly and asked me if I knew what it was.
    I said yes it’s a fly, and he said no, it’s a walk.
    He’s 46 now and is a father of 2 and a writer. And very kind.

    • Amanda says:

      That is priceless. 🙂

  • Shelly says:

    Amanda: #youarenotafailure The thought of Eddie stomping on the bird, reminded of when Jared (now 23) was the youngest at 3, ” see the fuzzy black piller momma?” Then hopped on his little trike and squished it. 🙁 Sometimes they just do things that we do not understand. You know when you run over a rock with your trike it doesn’t squish. So those little minds churn. You had a week of unpleasant things, just wait for that week when God blesses you with such joyful things everyday!! 🙂

    • Amanda says:

      🙂 Thank you sweet Shelly!

  • Tina H says:

    Oh my Amanda. Bless your heart! God must have something powerful in store for you, because He sure is making sure that you’re up to the task.
    You are not alone in your #momfail…………. we all fail DAILY, sometimes Hourly.
    My 12 year old son missed the bus yesterday morning (first day of school) and I felt so proud of myself that I did not raise my voice or get angry with him as I threw on my clothes (totally forgetting to brush my hair) to rush him 12 miles to school then head the opposite way 21 miles to work………………..That is until he informed me last night that I had my “fury face” on that morning. WTH? I have a “fury face”?
    Note to self “Smile, don’t let the “fury face” shine through”.

    My #momfail#2 is that I grow Butterfly bushes just so I can feed the moths and small butterflies to my chickens.
    All that protein makes the egg yolk nice and rich.

    Amanda, I pray for a hedge of protection around you, your family, AND your flock!

    Much respect from Kentucky!

    • Amanda says:

      Thank you Tina!!! Sounds like you had a #momwin since you did not get angry!!! What a great idea about the butterflys… so smart!

  • Donna says:

    Amanda, Bless you! I have been there and done that all too! Just remember that God hands us a lot of things to look back on and make us laugh at ourselves. That his way of making us aware that we are not perfect. As my husband says we are a “work in progress”

    Keep up the good work!

  • LIlaD says:

    I don’t have kids, I don’t have chickens (I wish!) I don’t have a successful blog and I don’t have a house to manage when a spouse is gone, so no I can’t relate entirely. But I can relate because I am human and stuff sucks sometimes. Example, car broken into only to be discovered as I was late to work on Monday. However, I hope you see the good in it all. That you have healthy babies, money to buy milk, a loving mother to buy you lunch. I know you have thought it a million times, but truly being grateful for the good you have will only bring more good. Focus on the good because isn’t it just oh so good? If we all focus on the bad, I’m pretty sure we would never leave our homes. What you think about is what you bring about. That is the saying I try and keep in mind.

    Also, stop being so gosh darn hard on yourself! You are raising a family! Doing ONE of those tasks on your todo list would have been an accomplishment worth shouting. 5 blog posts! FIVE? while watching kids, keeping chickens safe and the house together is crazy talk. Just because everyone else makes it look easy, does NOT mean it is. Let yourself be ok with the simple accomplishments and be proud when you get to the big ones. When you are this hard on yourself, stressing out the whole family it rubs off on the kids. They will in turn do the same things. I will never forget when my mom told me one day when she came home from work that her coworker had told her “when you stress out, everyone can see it and feel it”. Stressing out and stressing others our does not add ANY value. When my mom told me that, I didn’t know that stress was a bad thing. I thought it was normal to get furious and stress out and make other pay for it. It was at that moment I realized I didn’t want to take my mom’s lead. My mom is the best, and I learned that lesson with her.

    I read this post in my RSS feed and didn’t look who wrote it. As soon as I was halfway through, at the point where you said you yelled at your kids or you were “furious with them” I knew it was you that wrote it. I read that post you wrote about smiling every time you greet someone. I loved that post. After trying it myself I realized I already did that. I just want you to keep it in mind. We create our own chaos and our own happiness. YOU are the one one charge. You are the one that allows yourself to feel rage or breath and let it pass. It takes practice, but first hand I can tell you it can be done. I.e. said car broken into did not ruin my day, in fact I was making jokes after 2 minutes.

    I hesitated t post this comment. It came out more direct and harsh than I had hoped, but this is coming from a good place. It comes from experience of seeing myself unhappy in the past and blaming others. I hope you see that you are perfect, strong, loving, harmonious, and happy. Remind yourself of that, every two minutes if you have to.

    • Amanda says:

      I love that you took the time to share your thoughts with me! 🙂 And you are right… it is best to focus on the good. I will try to remember that!

  • Kerry says:

    I know I’m late to the party, but I’m catching up on my favorite blogs after the chaos of a month-long vacation followed by moving to a new house, all with a 1- and almost 3-year old. I still had to comment because so much of this post resonates with me. I know that feeling of dread when my husband is out of town for a couple days for work, knowing that all responsibility falls on my shoulders and no one will relieve me in the evening when I just need a break from my adorable boys. You use the word fail a lot in this post. These aren’t failures in my mind. They may not be your proudest parenting moments or best blogging days, but you’re spending time with your family, teaching them to love the outdoors and making delicious treats with love. Your blog is an inspiration for me!

    • Amanda says:

      Thank you Kerry! I so appreciate the insight. Blessings! 🙂

  • Angela M. Barnes says:

    We all have those days, I had them with my kids, now my grandkids. My only question is why, if you’ll feed frogs to the chickens, you won’t feed potato bugs to the chickens? They love ’em, and your plant stays intact!

    • Amanda says:

      I have!! lol We have learned a lot about gardening and raising chickens over the years and I seem to be learning something new everyday. 🙂

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