Rejection and Forgiveness

filed under: I Am Servant on January 19, 2013

I came across this quote recently and couldn’t help but take notice.

Inspirational Quote


“When you forgive, you heal your own anger and hurt and are able to let love lead again.  Its like spring cleaning for your heart.”

-Marco Schimoff

I sorta dismissed it because I generally disagree with the concept of “healing thyself”.  But dismissing it right away wasnt right.  Because dont we need to let God in so He can do the work He needs to?  Dont we need to make the choice to forgive before forgiveness can begin its healing properties?

Recently the value of this quote shed some light.

I have been struggling with rejection.  Worldly rejection.  Familial rejection.  Just… rejection.  And I just happen to be that person that lets things fester.

The other day I woke up and it was wonderful.  I worked out, had great devotional time, started the kids homeschooling… everything was going well.

Quite by accident, I found out that some friends had decided to exclude me from a new project.

Now, I have no idea why they made this choice.  It could have been because they had too many people with the same name as me.  Or because it was Wednesday.  Or because they needed a change.  Or because they truly didnt think about me and knowingly reject me.

But in my mind, it was completely intentional rejection.  How could they do this and not include me?  It had to be intentional.  They made a conscious choice to exclude me.

I was devastated and it proceeded to ruin my entire day.  I just couldnt let it go.

In bed that night, the situation kept running through my head.  Since there was no logical way to reason out the situation, I decided that my only option was to reject them back.  Without them knowing why, I was no longer going to support them and their choices.  If they didnt want me as a part of their project, then that choice was going to ultimately remove me from their lives.

I could almost feel the bitterness growing.  My choice to react and reject based on a situation that I had no clear facts on had planted a seed of resentment in my heart.  It grew when I fed it.  It grew when I didnt.  It was quickly growing beyond my control.

The only remedy to this kind of bitterness is forgiveness.  The absolutely only way that I would be able to get my heart back would be to forgive them.

To forgive them.  To make the choice to let go of any hurt I had perceived they caused me.

I had to pray, “Lord, you know my heartache in this.  But I trust you.  I know that sometimes you put people in my life to teach me just like you remove them to teach me.  Lord, help me to truly forgive these precious ladies and to simply love them.  Remove my judgement.  Remove my bitterness.  No matter what they may say or do, help me to love them as You love them.”


In all honestly, prayers such as that are not life long in their healing.  Since I still do not know the reasoning behind my friends actions, I still have occasional doubt and insecurity when I interact with them.  But now, instead of feeding into bitterness, I know where to direct those un-godly feelings.  And remember to look to Him for my value.  To trust Him that when I am in His will, He has me exactly where I need to be.

Funny things is that they will never know the heart struggle that their actions inspired.

But I am thankful for their actions non the less, because through them, I am learning to lean more on God.

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  • Brenda @ a farmgirl's dabbles says:

    {{{Big HUG to you, Amanda}}}

  • Cookie says:

    It’s like reading exactly the things I am going through this year. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your thoughts on the subject. It was really comforting… rejection is the worst thing a person can go through. It makes you wonder whether all the effort you put in your life or for others around you is even worth it. It can be very devastating. I have been through rejection, exclusion and loneliness a lot since a year and a half. But this kind of gives me some solace, some peace. Thanks for sharing.

    It’s never easy to forgive someone, specially when they don’t know they hurt you by some of their actions or words.

  • Jennifer S E says:

    Oh how I love this post! I too struggle with this. When I am hurt and I find myself imagining what I will say or do the next time I see “them”, I know that is not God in my heart. If the door is open a crack, then darkness will come and take up residence. At times like that, I literally say “Satan you are not welcome here. My heart belongs to God above.” How quickly I find peace. I read a quote today and it stayed with me. It said “holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. Isn’t that the truth.

    • Amanda says:

      I am a big fan of that quote!! It so sad but true. I will have to try letting satan know who’s boss! 🙂

  • Anna @ Cuparoons says:

    Loved reading this, Amanda! There are times when we all feel rejected, but God is the one who can help us forgive and move forward. Thanks for a very encouraging post!

  • Beth says:

    You know, i was just googling cakes and stumbled across your website. Im a pastry chef, and a Christian too, and these were not words i expected to find here but were exactly what i needed to hear. Thanks for your encouragement. I believe that God understands the depths of our heartache when no-one around us seems to. He gets it. May he richly bless all your endeavours as you put Him first in everything 🙂

    • Amanda says:

      So nice to “meet” you Beth! I am so happy you were encouraged… and think you are exactly right about God! 🙂

  • Te says:

    I understand how you feel. I used to be the type that would take stuff like that personally. Then I decided that no longer would I stew and wonder why.
    Now, if I have an issue about something I will ask. People dont always think and sometimes we get left out because at that moment in time we arent in their minds. So now if I feel left out I will ask “Hey, Why didnt you want to include me? Is there a problem ” or if im feeling snarky ” Is my help not good enough?”.
    I like the prayer. Its something I need to work on. Letting go and giving forgiveness , even to those who couildnt careless if I offer it or not.

    • CyndyLu says:

      I wondered if anyone would respond in this way, and if not, then I would go out on a limb and pose it myself. As Te said, “Now, if I have an issue about something I will ask.” I am 47….I am outspoken…and I feel, EVERYTHING (wish I didn’t always, but I do and I’m okay with that). But I wasn’t always so outspoken,( or 47! ) I have spent many an hour, day, week, month, YEAR stewing about an issue. Why? WHY did she do that, why did he think that, why didn’t we do this, etc??? Over and over like a hamster on a wheel. At some point in my life, the question “Why?” came blurting out (I am the GREATEST blurter….whoops!) and I received an unexpected answer. All of the conclusions I came to that supported my hurt and rejection flew out the window when I found out WHY something happened the way it did. OOooohHHHHHhhhhh! That’s why???? Silly me! You canNOT believe the ridiculous things I had floating around in my emotional head and heart about this. *blush*

      And so, I learned. And I continue learning this lesson. JUST ASK. The answer, if it’s an honest one, may help or it may hurt. But it ends the stewing and lets the hamster take a break. Sometimes it gives that poor little hamster another reason to start running….but I know how to get him to stop again. Finding out the why sheds light ….and change, if necessary, can be made. And change IS generally a good thing…because it’s growth, and growing is good. Not always pleasant, but it is good.
      Once the why is resolved, the forgiveness comes….and it is there from a point of understanding. Forgive them because they made a hurtful choice. Forgive ME because I assumed or lept to an incorrect conclusion. It gives your forgiveness a true and more meaningful direction.

      That was a wordy post to say, Ask next time Amanda and find out why you were rejected, hurt, etc. The situation may just not be as it appeared, and you may not have been the only one who was hurting over it.
      Just my most humble opinion……..

      Peace…… 🙂

      PS…love your blogs that I just discovered this morning while searching for the ultimate crusting buttercream recipe! CanNOT wait to try…..EVERYTHING!

      • Amanda says:

        I did it CyndyLu! I read your comment and decided… just ask! So of course it was not as big of deal as I had made it out to be. Yes, they went out on their own, but it wasnt an intentional rejection. They were just pursing their own paths! Thanks for your words!

        • CyndyLu says:

          Awesome! Awesome for YOU, your friends and your relationships. 🙂 It’s on now, though…. You tried ‘mine’, now I’m trying yours. Bought myself a 1M tip along with some disposable pastry bags and I’m about to try out your Buttercream recipe in a humble attempt to make a gorgeous Rose cake. Sort of a Rose and football cake….it’s Superbowl today and we take that pretty seriously out here in CA!
          Nice to meet you, Amanda. You are a peach! 🙂

  • Melinda Foster says:

    Amanda!! My <3 so needed this quote & message from God this morning!! I too am struggling with rejection and forgiveness. I am relying on John 15:9 where it says that "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." I am thankful for you & your faithfulness to share with us your heart and how God is using you with your blog to bless others!! I am a BIG FAN of yours!! THANK YOU!! (:

    • Amanda says:

      Good morning Melinda!! I am thankful for you sharing John 15:9 today… I needed that! 🙂 Hope your day is blessed and joyful!

  • Cheryl says:

    Beautifully stated and so truthful. I love this post. Being women we are more apt to feel slighted & rejected. Being able to have the power to forgive, clears the slate clean & we can then move on. Not an easy thing to do at times, but it’s a very powerful thing.

  • Susan says:

    That’s beautiful. Perfect for today.

  • Deliciously Organic says:

    What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. You’re right, forgiveness is a choice, and it’s usually a difficult one since we struggle with our own selfishness. I’m sorry that your friends left you out. Rejection is so hard! The verse I personally cling to daily is, “Give thanks in all things”. All things. Everything. Now that’s not an easy feat, but wow has my life been so blessed when I remember to be thankful. When rejection comes – give thanks. When blessings come – give thanks. How fantastic that the Lord gives us the tools we need!

  • Denice says:

    wow..just stumbled across this….thank you!!!!

  • lmcburney says:

    I can so relate to your blog about rejection. Good comments from you and CyndyLu. I work myself up over similar rejections. I need to keep it all in perspective and not let satan put bitterness in my heart whether or not I know the WHY.
    Thank you Lord for your mercy is new every day!

  • Carrie says:

    Amanda, You are just precious! I can totally relate to this and I thank you for it. I just happened to stumble across “I am servant” and gosh what a blessing! Keep up His work!

    XO Carrie

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