I just need a moment to breath.
And I have a feeling you do too.
These last two months have been a whirlwind. Â I have laughed and cried. Â I have been humbled beyond words and I have felt so disappointed that I am ashamed it rocked me to my core.
The highest of highs and lowest of lows, so to speak.
For example, I worked my butt off on a cake. Â From conception to completion, every detail was meticulously thought out. Â I worked for DAYS to make sure this cake was perfect. 
I am not kidding you when I say I put my heart into it. Â As I placed the final coat of frosting and added the final details, I just knew this cake was going to be amazing.
I could just see it… the TODAY Show producers would see it and mouths would drop. Â People would hover around computers to look at the pictures.
The call would be made, “Pack your bags, you are coming to NYC!” 
It turned out beautifully. Â Every painstaking detail!
I sat on pins and needles for days.
And days.
And days.
And never heard a word. Â Not only were they not impressed, but there was no call. Â I would not be making a morning show appearance.
I can’t say for certain why it hit me so hard, but I can’t help but feel like it had something to do with the expectations I had unwittingly placed on that silly little cake. Â Its like my entire career as an author and baker was resting delicately on clouds of white buttercream. When reality set it, it was a crushing and embarrassing defeat.
There is just something different about publishing a book. Â I know people equate it to childbirth, and I can definitely understand why, Â but for me it was very different.
Concerning my children, once they are in the world they are perfect and loved and there is no convincing me otherwise.  They, in their unquestionable perfection, are the greatest thing I have ever had a hand in creating.  And their perfection and amazingness truth is independent of me.  In that, there is no doubt.
With the book, the failure is a direct result of me. Â My efforts. Â Will someone hold it and understand my heart? Â Will they look over the less-than-refined cakes and see the memories I hope will be made or the inspiration I desperately want to share? Â Will they understand that I have never in my life been so vulnerable publically and that it’s absolutely terrifying?
Well no, of course not. Â It would be silly to expect people to read that deeply into my words and hear my heart. Â It’s a book about cake.
The truth is, I am not a New York Times best selling author as badly as I wanted to say those words.
And that’s ok.
There have been interviews and reviews and thankfully, the amazing and supportive blogging community has stepped forward and shared some of the most kind and humbling posts I could ever imagine.  Every single one of those posts and a treasure to me! (See them here)
I heard a quote once that has really stuck with me as a blogger, and now author. Â (It was said by Ellen DeGeneres and I can’t remember it exactly, so this is a paraphrase.)
“Never believe the worst of what people say about you. Â Never believe the best either.”
As much as I want to believe the best of what others say, it holds no more truth than the worst.
What I am learning is that it is important to trust and value the opinions of those close to you.
That when my husband surprises me with flowers and says, “I am so proud of you,” that is something I can let fill my soul. Â
So instead of never sharing my cakes with the world and acting like everything is fine and dandy and that rejection and hurt don’t come ’round here, I choose to be real.
(I had started with the NBC Peacock logo but it was not as sharp and clean and I wanted so I discarded it and kept working.)
I made a surprise inside cake for the TODAY show. Â And they didn’t care about it one way or another.
But that doesn’t it make it any less valuable or significant to me. Â
If you would like to support this sometimes maker of pretty cakes and accidental writer, you can get my book HERE.
Those TODAY producers are DUMMIES.
Oh Amanda, sorry to hear your disappointment. I would have probably shrieked with happiness for you if I saw you on Today. Funny about a blog and a book, you feel connected to people you really don’t know! Anyway like others have said you should feel so proud of your accomplishments because they have really reached a lot of people. I, for one, have made the rose cake, cookies countless times! And it sounds like you have a wonderful family.
We all have our own view of the “wait til they feast their eyes on this!” moment. I took a class at a local bakery last year figuring I could def improve my basic skills and excitedly showed some of my creations to the chef at the end. (I like to make cakes that look like food, like a basket of french fries and pancakes.) He looked at them and didn’t say a word except Hmmm. Wow! I didn’t know if I should laugh, cry or punch him. What was my husband’s response “F him!” He knew I would laugh it off at that, even though I thought the chef would insist I start collaborating with him. Oh well, who needs ’em!
I do love your approach for network/show logos – please do more for other shows – How bout Rachael Ray and The View!
xoxo
Theresa
Shame on them not even calling to tell you it was lovely, because it is 🙂
I think all artists feel that same sting – kudos to you for sharing it to lighten your load a bit as well as to give others a feeling of connection
That said, you have brought a really inventive art form to the eyes of the world – how many people can say that?
I bought your book and love all the cakes. There is a little bakery in a small town called Indianola which is located in Iowa and I am going to give her your book. I will be buying some more copies so that I can give them out and keep one for myself. I bake cakes but at this time all of my baking supplies are packed away. I have my house on the market and once it sells I am moving to Olympia, Washington.
YOU are amazing! I love your blog, your creativity, and ALL of the effort and love you put into your projects. Your cakes are AMAZING and so are you! It’s the Today Show’s loss!
Hi Amanda, Your reaction to the deafening silence you’re experiencing from the TOAY show is perfectly understandable. I’d like to pose some questions that might help you see it from a different perspective. 1. You are assuming because you haven’t heard anything…yet or immediately…that equates to ‘they hate it’ or ‘they don’t care.’ Is that really true? Decisions made in TV often have nothing to do with one particular person as much as a constellation of reasons that are about issues completely removed from that person….like scheduling, politics, timing, budget…it goes on and on. Television is a business and the media is so overloaded with ideas and information coming back to them that it can take F-O-R-E-V-E-R to ‘pick something up’ and be put in the line up. You’re also assuming that this particular show is the ‘one and only’ when its possible you’re being looked at right now by other media outlets. Think about this…the only reason Rachel Ray was featured on a morning news show was because of a snow blizzard that canceled out the appearance of the scheduled guest. They weren’t going to go with her but at the last minute, finding themselves in a bind, they ‘used her’ to fill in the spot! You never know how things will evolve once the world begins knowing about you…it may just be bigger than you ever imagined and not look anything like you thought it would. 2. How do you define success? You have achieved something many CEO’s and heads of state have been incapable of doing…inspiring people… to discover their own talents or try something they never thought themselves capable of doing….that’s fear busting! I eagerly look forward to your blog posts…and never made one of your cakes…have not even attempted it. I just love looking at your art! Many times sitting at my computer I’ve marveled at what you’ve done and say right out loud ‘this girl is a genius!’ Get out your calculator and just try to come up with the number of times and people you’ve done that for…go ahead…see if your calculator goes that high. What an impact you’ve had on people! In the end what’s more important…that? or a TV spot that airs for a few minutes and then its over? 3. Why does the opinion of ‘TV producers’ you’ve never met and have never met you, and most likely have little to no knowledge about baking and the innovations you’ve created, have a more important voice than your own ‘knowing’ that this book and what’s inside is something very different and special? When we attach ourselves and become dependent on the external validation of others…its a recipe for suffering and a continual hunger for more external validation once the first voice has gone quiet. If the TODAY show producers had done a spot on this book…would that have been it for you? Would you be saying ‘ok…that’s enough…or would you be ‘hoping’ for other shows and media outlets to be featuring you as well? I’m not saying that’s bad at all…it would be wonderful, but the point is the hunger for that external validation never ceases. When the internal voice of validation is louder than all the rest…you’re no longer at the mercy or a slave to the opinions of others. Your work stands for itself. Know that you are enough.
Amanda,
You are an artist. As such we are always putting our hearts into our work for all to see. Unfortunately not everyone sees what we do. I’m a photographer and a party planner and a cake artist. The biggest thrill is when someone looks at my work and “gets it”. But that is SO rare. Many can appreciate it but not “get it”. The hard thing is that, as an artist, I’m always waiting for that pay off. I love your minimalist version of TODAY. I love the geometric design. The circles within the square. I love the blank canvas on the outside that conveys, to me, that each day is a brand new beginning…each day is TODAY. And each day has a surprise inside. Now, I have no idea if that is what you were trying to convey…just that it’s what it says to me. But, as an artist, you have reached a milestone to be proud of…you are published. That’s amazing. That’s wonderful. And that’s ALL you. Something very much to be proud about and to revel in. Looks like everyone else is very proud of you too. 🙂
Cat
Amanda, It’s normal to hope and dream and then be brutally disappointed. There are only a few very successful bloggers who receive lots of notoriety and very few end up on TV or in the limelight. You were approached to write a book about your fabulous cakes and only a few get that kind of offer. How wonderful! Just soak it in and be proud of yourself. I wish you the best of luck with the book and keep in mind the Today show is more interested in hype stories. You’d be better off contacting The Contessa on Food Network who occasionally has a guest foodie.
I think I may be the only one commenting who does NOT have her own blog! Yikes!! *I* don’t have a blog because I couldn’t stand the pressure!! I bake because I love it, and occasionally even get paid for ingredients, but I do NOT want the stress of being a ‘professional’, or a blogger…. You people ROCK!!
Because I know that I would have those same high expectations and I would suffer those same crushing moments of disappointment – and I am a WIMP!!
But I am so incredibly grateful for all of you bloggers out there creating beautiful deliciousness for me to ‘Pin’ and then bake myself!!!! In my cookbook binder at home, I still have the pages-long recipes I printed for the ‘Rose’ cake (with the chocolate and vanilla cakes inside and complete with photos!), and the tall ‘Cherry’ cake with the incredible layer of frosting and a few cherries inside! 🙂 Way back then I didn’t have a clue about who you were!!
Anyways, I *hate* that you were disappointed and I’d happily ban the stoopid show if I was home in the mornings to watch any TV!! For the record, I own your cookbook! 😉 And I love what you do on this blog…. I’m just one lone non-blogging chick in eastern North Carolina – but I’d bet that I’m in good compnay!!!!
Savor those lows because they’ll make the highs so much more satisfying!! And do as I say, not as I do!! 😉
Amanda,
Recently found your blog and love it. Then I find out we attend the same church and our church has an auction for an upcoming mission trip and a cake class with you is offered. The icing on the cake is that I was able to garner a spot in the class. So looking forward to the class and meeting you.
Kari
Hi Kari!! What a treat! I can’t wait! 🙂